Page 95 of Revel
I touch the side of his face. “I can’t tell you that I’m going to wait for you, Revel. That wouldn’t be fair to you or me.”
“Why not?” he hisses, jerking my chin up so I meet his cold eyes. “Why won’t you?”
My eyes narrow and I twist my head from his grasp. “Because… then you’ll go to rehab because of me. You’ll go through all the steps just to get back to me, but that’s not enough. You need to go because ofyou, and only you.”
“I wouldn’t do it for me,” he groans, running his hands down his face and letting go of me. Bringing his knees up, he rests his elbows on his legs, his head hung between them. “I don’t give a shit about me.”
Look at his face. He’s speaking the truth. “That’s the problem,” I admit, a sharp sting of pain radiates throughout my body, my heart, and my soul. “We can’t work if you don’t.”
He lifts his head. His face contorts into an unbearable amount of agony, and he turns away, pulling his hands through his hair. “Fuck,” he whispers painfully. “Why are you always right?” After a moment, he breathes in a deep breath and looks over at me. Reaching over, he twirls red curls around his finger. “I’ll always remember this. . . with you,” he says, attempting to smile, but it doesn’t touch the pain in his eyes.
“I will too, but please do this for yourself.” It hurts to watch, but it’s harder to look away as he processes what I’m saying. I can tell my words are hurting him. “For your career. For your band. Do it for you because the Revel Slade I fell in love with, he’s in there and this crap”—I gesture to the bottle—“it’s destroying that guy, and pretty soon, there’s not going to be anything left.”
For a moment, he says nothing and stares at the bottle of vodka at his feet. After a minute, his eyes lift to mine. “Will you promise me something?”
I nod.
Swallowing heavily, he runs a shaky hand through his hair. “Don’t lose yourself trying to be something you’re not.”
Holding back a sob, I bury my head in his chest, savoring the connection a little longer. We cling to one another tightly, his body shaking against mine.
“I’ll do it for me,” he says slowly, his breath on my skin and in my heart.
Burying my head further into his chest, I breathe in deeply—cinnamon and cigarettes. I squeeze my eyes shut. Hot tears flow like a waterfall as I process his words.
Then he lets go and creates distance between us, holding me by the tops of my shoulders. “I can’t fucking walk away from you.” He struggles to control his emotions and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “And that terrifies me.”
Before I have a chance to say anything, Revels stands, his eyes cast down, hidden from mine.
“As much as it kills me to say this, I hope you find someone better than me. Not that fucker Breckin.”
“Pretty sure you took care of that.” I laugh through tears.
He doesn’t. There’s absolutely no humor in his expression, only an emotion between anger and agony.
He sighs but doesn’t move. His Adam’s apple bobs with his heavy swallow. “You have to do it. I’m not strong enough to end it.” His gaze falters, long enough for me to see the truth hidden deep within. He’s weak. I’m the one addiction he can’t let go of.
I hold onto his hands as he leans forward, gently brushing his lips to mine. For a moment, nothing but silence fills the space between us, until I whisper, “It’s over,” regretting how wrong those words feel, yet somehow, the tiniest bit of relief washes over me knowing he’ll be stronger because of it.
Dropping his hands, his eyes move to my mouth, and my chest hurts at the thought of never feeling his lips against mine again. He’s so close I can feel his breath on my skin, so close I can imagine the taste of his lips pressing to mine. He draws in a sharp intake of breath and then nods, kisses me one last time and then walks away.
Words escape me, my heart twisting inside my chest at the onslaught of emotions.With tears streaming down my cheeks, I watch as Revel Slade walks out of the room and my life, his hands in his pockets, chin down, the same way he came into it.
There’s a reason why I came on this tour. Revel once asked me if I was the same person when others weren’t looking as I was when they were. I didn’t know who I was when they were looking, let alone when they weren’t.
But Revel Slade. . . knows me, and it’s the only way he walks away.
The question remains, will I wait for him?
For me, for him, I can’t give him that promise, but deep down, I have no idea if I can truly walk away. For everyone else I had to play this role. I had to be their princess. I wouldn’t let Revel use me as a crutch to find happiness and fill his empty void. I knew that space and the fame that created it, but I’m not the filler.
PRISON SENTENCE
REVEL
I won’t bore you with the details, but I’m sure you can guess I land myself in rehab. It’s awful. I hate it. And if I’m honest, it’s exactly where I need to be.
You don’t realize what fame does to you until the sentence has been handed down. When you’re living in the spotlight, after a while, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re lost inside, and escaping is more powerful and necessary. Everything in between is simply a one-night stand. A nameless face. Even the fucking cities you’re in hold no meaning. You jump off a plane, rush to a hotel, unpack a little, go to sound check, relax for a little while and then it’s time to perform. Then you’re so amped at the end you can’t sleep. Then it’s onto the next city. Nothing changes but the name of the town. Eventually though, it catches up with you and you find yourself in rehab, or worse, dead. I guess I could say I got lucky on that hand, didn’t I?
