Page 28 of Revel
I stare at the enemy sitting two seats down. My mouth tightens. I’m being stubborn, unwilling to give up just yet. My eyes catch emerald green making my head throb to the beat of my own heart. Our stares lock for a moment too long to be coincidental. She looks almost irritated with herself over something, but her eyes, they don’t leave mine. Trying to appear unfazed by my eyes on her, she brushes the pads of her fingers across her lips and crimson stains her cheeks.
I wonder what the blush is from. Is it me? Is it that she’s trying to appear unflawed to those around her?
And then my gaze shifts to the one next to her. The one who stole the word “love” from me. Now I’m not sure I know what the word means anymore. A rush of adrenaline hits me. I can’t stand that cunt. I hate her. And strangely, I want to thank her for making me realize I was in deep and didn’t even know it. My body stiffens, my expression intense as I remember the ugly side of the night I left. The one where the person who cared less had all the power. The same night where my strength felt inferior to her lies. Where her too-honest words voiced lies with a quivering mouth and tearfully shouted raw emotion that meant nothing.
My lips curve at the corners. “I hate you,” I mouth, the plains of my face, my expression the same as that night when I told her I’d never forgive her.
Hensley’s face scrunches, and she looks away, rolling her eyes, and I’m back there, to that night.
I was frozen, unmoving to the words, “I’m pregnant.” Eerie, loud thunder cracked outside, bolts of lightning scattering across the sky, sheets of rain pinging against the windows.
For a second, I was frozen. My girlfriend. Pregnant. I wasn’t naïve enough to not realize the problems with those two words and the implications they presented.
I’d been on tour for the last six months. There was no way it was mine, but I looked at her face, the expression, the lie she was withholding, and I knew the truth. So did she, yet she left it at, “I’m pregnant,” and expected something to follow on my part.
Should I congratulate her on being a slut?
“Rev?” My eyes snapped to hers, deceit my only vision.
“What?” My gaze traveled the length of her body, lingering on her mid-section. “What the fuck do you want me to say?” I asked casually, my words anything but that.
“I don’t know. Something.” She shrugged, looking around the floor for the strength she didn’t have to stay off his dick in the first place.
“Okay, how about this?” I paused, breathing in deep, trying to find the courage. “How about you tell me whose baby it is because I know it’s not mine.”
With a shaky breath, her eyes flicked to mine with agitation. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t fucking stutter.” My jaw clenched, the words pushed out in a hiss of emotion I couldn’t withhold. I gave her everything. I was the biggest rock star in the world and fucking monogamous to one woman. Do you have any idea how hard that is? Fucking impossible for most. And she fucked another man. Worse than that, she’s pregnant. “Who were you fucking when I was in Germany?”
“I don’t see how that matters.” Her emotion colored her voice, shaking each syllable.
I saw red. No, fuck that, I saw blue. It was far more dangerous. “Oh, it fucking matters and you know it, ya goddamn bitch!” I got to my feet, closing the distance between us. I wanted to kill her. I did.
Caught off guard, she pressed her lips together, withholding, but I knew. “Who do you think?”
I didn’t hesitate, seething the words back at her. “Ash.”
I wasn’t surprised to see her denial didn’t follow.
The reality, the truth, it was a punch to the stomach. Why would she have chosen him over me? Because of her daddy issues? The constant need for an authority figure? I might never know the answer. What I did know was anger.
“I can’t fucking believe you." I hated the way my voice broke at the end. I hated that I let a woman control me to the point of this. She looked at me, without words. I didn’t know why, but I pressed for more. Demanded to know why. “Why? Why him?”
Did I want the answer? Would it be worth it?
Licking her lips, she swallowed. Cleared her throat. Looked away. She wasn’t expecting me to press, that much was clear when she stuttered, “W-What?”
“Why. Him?” I repeated, discordant, and desperate for truth.
Her hands flew to her hips, and another eye roll followed. “Jesus Christ. Why do you want to know that? Does it really matter?” She was shouting, caught in her own lies, her tone harsh. . . angry at me knowing the truth. For once, her usually soft words were full of raw emotion. It happened when you were trying to lie. The planes of her face, her expression, they were different. I didn’t even recognize this woman. She wasn’t the sixteen-year-old girl I fell for. But this side, the one telling me lies and carrying life inside her, I’d never seen this side until today.
I swallowed down tears I wouldn’t give in to. Not for her. Not for this goddamn situation. Threatened with crushing fear, I wanted to inflict the pain she’d caused me. I wanted to show her something uglier than she had ever seen before. Give me a reason, and I’d turn into a monster.
“I don't know what you want me to say, Rev,” she said, like I should forgive her.
My betrayal spoke for me. “How could you do this to me?”
She swallowed, her own tears sliding down her reddened cheeks. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Her words were cliché, and she knew it. She snorted. “I was lonely. And every time I tried to tell you, you were either too busy or too drunk to realize it.” And I guessed she was being just as honest now, too, voicing what she felt mattered, only her words didn’t match the expression on her face. The one holding fear that she let the best thing in her life go because she was too sad, too lonely, too whatever to wait for me to return. And maybe I was too caught up in my own life to see it happening. It was her lack of honesty that had been superior to my trust in her, defined and stable, yet not enough.
