Page 98 of Untamed
That song he was singing in the barn that night, Randy Travis’s “Are We in Trouble Now” is playing in the house softly, though I don’t know where it’s coming from.
When I sit next to him, he won’t look at me. And when he does, I know something is up. He’s giving me that look I’ve seen. The same look he gave me in the barn so many times. I don’t want to hear what he’s going to say to me. I just know it.
When Jamie died, my dad told me about the accident. But even before he told me, I knew by his face it was bad. An impending doom maybe. It’s as though my heart’s going to fucking shatter and I wish it would. Maybe it’ll stop the pain. “What’s wrong?” I ask, my palms sweating so bad I have to run them down my thighs.
Grayer shakes his head at a thought maybe and reaches for the whiskey bottle in front of him. He takes a drink and then sets the bottle back down on the floor. He’s struggling, but he has something to tell me. “Maesyn . . . I. . . .” He can’t finish his sentence.
My anger rises when I see what this is. And then my eyes sting, because he can’t say it. Why can’t he? “What, Grayer? What’s the matter with you?” I shout. “Do you not want me here?”
His eyes snap to mine, a little shocked, and then he catches himself. “You need to leave,” he breathes, his voice monotone, staring at the bottom of his bottle. A confused expression comes over his brow and then he runs his hand over the back of his neck.
My heart sinks at his words. It’s immediate, desolation rushing over me with only four words.
“I . . . can’t have you around.” If he wants to break me down to tears, he’s done that.
“Why?” Avoiding looking at him, I stare at the bottle in his hand, trying to grasp what he’s saying to me.
“Because you’re a distraction. One I can’t have.” He sighs. “I got hurt because I looked up at you and couldn’t wait to get up there and kiss you. That’s a problem for me heading into the championship.”
I let his words sink in. I don’t know why I thought he was different. He’s clearly not. He’s just like the rest of them. Used me until it wasn’t fun for him anymore.
I want answers. I want to demand he answer me and give me a better reason than just being a distraction, but then again, I don’t want anything from him. Headstrong, maybe, but I’m breaking, and I think he sees it. My problem is, I’m that girl who’s always playing with fire, knowing she’s going to get burned, but overlooking the flames for the heat.
Wordlessly, I stand, and I still don’t say anything when I’m walking away, even as he’s calling out my name. Maybe he wants to make me feel worse.
Whatever the reason, I don’t turn around.
“Maesyn?” He stands immediately and comes down the hall after me. “Wait. I didn’t mean you have to leave here. I just can’t have you come to Thackerville with me.”
I turn to face him, and he turns to walk away. “Don’t worry, Grayer. I know when I’ve been used and it’s time to go.”
He stops dead in his tracks and turns to face me. His eyes are intent on mine like he’s trying to burn a hole through me.
I recognize this look because it’s the one he gave Henry in the bar the other night for staring at me on the bull. Only now, it’s directed at me.
He swears softly, groaning, shaking his head. “Why do you do this to me?”
“What are you talking about, Grayer?”
“Nothing.”
Fucking nothing? What?
Grayer puts his hands on his hips, facing the wall. His head dips forward, contemplating, and then I see it in the sudden change in his posture, he’s regretting the words he said.
When he hears my sobs, he whirls to face me. Like he can take back his words. He can’t. He can never take back words. Ever.
“Maesyn, wait!” He tries to bring me to his chest, his arms wrapping around my waist, but I push back away from him. His fingers dig into my flesh, desperate for me to not move.
“No!” I pound my fists into his chest, my tears flowing freely over my red cheeks. “Let me go! You wanted to push me away and you did.”
Shoving away from him, I distance myself, just like he’s done to me emotionally.
His eyes drop to the ground and he lets me walk out.
