Page 62 of Untamed
A bull on the PBR tour.
Just as the night sky releases its hold, the sunrise dancing over the flatlands, my mind is doing circles with it. It’s a dance the two know very well. It starts with a burst of orange, clouds parting to reveal the beauty as if they’re forced to. There’s fog rolling off the pasture as it usually does in the mornings and that burst of orange makes it glow like it’s smoke rising. When I look up at the sky, half is deep shades of blue, hanging on, while the other moves between purple, pink and orange. It’s absolutely beautiful, and I smile.
With The Eagles on the radio singing “The Best of My Love,” I sit there with Grayer, the barn doors open to the pasture, us wrapped in a blanket. He’s that burst of orange for me. A beginning, a notion for something better. And he’s leaving today. My hands are restless, twisting and twirling the braids intertwined with feathers.
Grayer’s thumb runs over the tarnished metal of the angel wing on my necklace. “This hold meaning for you?”
I nod, unsure if my voice will crack when I tell him the story behind the beads and stones laced on the strands. “My grandpa used to collect beads and stones. Every year on Christmas and my birthday, he’d give me a handful. When he passed away, I made a necklace of them. The fabric’s from my grandma’s wedding dress.”
“And the feather?”
I turn it over, showing him what’s written on the back. “Mom gave me that when Grandpa died.”
He touches it, pulling it a little closer to read the saying on the back.Cowgirls are God’s wildest angels.“They are.”
Our voices fade and there’s no sound around us. Nothing. No birds, no animals, just pure silence. It’s as if the world has stopped and it’s just the two of us, wrapped in a moment.
This contentment, like there’s no place else I wanna be, I want to believe it’s real. You can experience this, can’t you? Is that possible? For so long, if I were with a guy, I had the urge to run, to recoil and withdraw from him. Until now. Now . . . I need more. I want time to stop.
I laugh, thinking I’m funny when I ask, “Did you ever think you’d be fucking around with the rancher’s daughter?” I don’t mean for it to sound dirty, but it totally does.
Grayer’s body tenses and his hand moves to my mouth, covering it. “Don’t talk that way.” His voice is harsh when he growls in my ear, “I’m not fucking around with you.”
My heart skips. “I know.” But do I?
“You sore?” he asks, pressing his lips to my temple, his hand slipping off my mouth.
“Not from Hammer.” I smile, leaning into his touch. “But from you? Yeah.”
I don’t know too much about Grayer, other than him being a badass bull rider and loyal. And incredibly moody. But as we sit wrapped together, I want to know a little more. I’ve never wanted to get to know anyone for fear of getting hurt. I want to know Grayer. “What’s it like being on the pro rodeo circuit?”
He laughs lightly, my body shaking in the process. “You mean bull riding? There’s a difference.”
“Oh, well yeah. What’s it like? I bet it gets lonely.” I’m not even sure what I’m hinting at, but he finds it entertaining.
“Yeah, it gets lonely sometimes. Lots of travel and it’s so damn hard on your body.” He picks up a piece of straw off the blanket, tossing it aside. “It’s rewarding too.”
“Do you get hurt a lot?”
He nods against my shoulder. His arms wrap around my chest, his kiss pressing tenderly into my skin. “Every time. Some aren’t as bad as others, but then there’s sometimes where I’m laid up for a few weeks.”
“Are you ever scared it’ll be your last ride?”
“No. I mean, youcan’tthink about that. You know it’s true, but you can’t let your mind go there. Having confidence is key. It’s man versus beast. You gotta learn how to make moves in response to the bull and stay on. There’s always gonna be a certain amount of fear, but there’s adrenaline there too, and you gotta know that nothing you expect to happen is gonna happen.”
“Are you crazy? I guess you kinda have to be to bull ride,” I say, speaking from experience now.
He chuckles. “You gotta have passion, right?”
With a deep inhale, I breathe in fresh morning air that makes me smile and snuggle closer. “So Reid and Ty . . . they’re pro riders too?”
“No, just Reid and me. Ty just turned eighteen two months ago and got his permit but once you apply for your pro card, you gotta win twenty-five hundred before they’ll grant your license. Boy can’t seem to stay on a bull long enough this season to win any good amount of money.”
I’m getting to know him and it’s all so strange and different from what I’ve done in the past with guys, or even with Grayer and him ignoring me. Grayer doesn’t seem too interested in moving either. He’s slow touching and soft breathing. A gentle kiss only to wrap his arms around me a little tighter. I can’t ever remember being held by a boy for this long, and never by a man. I hadn’t realized it, but it’s exactly what I want and need. The cool crisp morning shivering my sinning soul, it’s like never before.
Sitting in silence now, it’s unbearable because there are so many questions I have for him since he’s leaving and I might never see him again. It has me asking things I probably shouldn’t.
“How old were you when your mom died?” I know how old he was, but I want to know him.
