Page 14 of Untamed
Still barefoot, I pick my boots up from beside his truck where I’d kicked them off to dance in the rain. I don’t look back at his truck when I hear the faint rumblings of him pulling away, but I do smile again, the taste of him still on my lips. With my boots in hand, still smiling, I walk barefoot through the muddy field, enjoying the way it squishes against my feet. Tilting my head, I look up at the cloudless sky still sprinkled with a steady mist of rain. I like the rain. Even the sky cries sometimes.
I walk toward Haylee’s truck. She’s passed out in the bed, curled up against a dark-colored Carhart jacket I know is Tucker’s.
The clouds begin to shift, the rain seizing, and I lie next to her staring up at the stars in the sky lighting the night a little differently than I’ve seen in a while. If I squint, the stars look like diamonds, little glitters of hope. I think of Grayer and smile.
I don’t feel guilty. Not in the slightest. I am who I am. Say what you will. There’s no one here to judge me because they’ve all but given up.
I’m not their town princess anymore.
I’m not the preacher’s daughter.
I’m not a lover and I’m not a girl they’ll take home to mama.
I’m loud-laughing, fast-living, stubborn, too mean, too much of anything most can handle.
What I am is wild at heart, hazy-thinking, hell-raising sinning soul, and I wouldn’t have me any other way. You should never change yourself to fit the mold you think a boy wants you to be. You’ll change enough to be who you want to be. My Granny Vicki used to tell me to make pearls out of gravel and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.
I’d love to say I wouldn’t do anything drastic for my heart and pretend I don’t need love, but I’m a liar, and I think about the way Grayer defended me tonight. I’m caught between emotional and emotionless. I’m caught between loving the way he makes me feel and hating it.
