Page 158 of The Legend
Tommy andI laughed remembering all the stories of him in the hospital from Casten andArie. Dad wasn’t exactly this nicest to the hospital staff that saved his life.
I learnedover the years through stories and watching him, my dad proved his mettle withthe best of them. He had a commitment and a determination with a sheer beliefthat he could be the best and would be.
He was.
There wasno question about that.
What wouldhave taken someone a year to accomplish and make a full recovery, he did in sixmonths. That right there was more valor than your average person.
It wasn’teasy on him, he bordered on the edge every day but still, he did it.
When Iarrived at the track with Lily and the guys, I made my way through the mobs offans and media to his motor coach to find him and Kyle outside of it laughing.
Without adoubt, Kyle missed my dad, as did Aiden and Spencer. Easton was cool but he wasn’tmy dad and he didn’t have the same drive in him.
Forexample if my dad was riding on cords toward the end of the race, he’d drivethat car until the tires fell off if he thought he could win.
Easton, wellhe’d pit and then try to get a top ten. He was consistent yes, but he wasn’t mydad.
We got into talking about the last few sprintcar races I ran in and my return to Knoxville coming up next week.
“Are youscared?” Dad asked me after everyone else walked away and we found ourselvesalone inside.
“Yes andno.” I said honestly shifting my weight from one foot to the other. “I’m notscared of being at Knoxville again. I’m scared that I will never be what youguys were to this sport.” I had yet to admit this to anyone yet.
To mysurprise dad laughed bringing a bottle of water to his lips. “You are.” Heassured me with a smile. “Don’t try to live up to my clout or grandpa’s.” hiseyes met mine and I was certain he wasn’t joking. “Trying to live up to someoneelse’s shoes only complicates the dream you want. Make it about you and no oneelse.” He continued to stare at me for a moment before smiling. “You’re a goodkid, Axel. You’re going to make a good dad to that little guy. But you see onlyone angle to this. That’s not at all what it’s about.”
Anyonecould have said that to me but because a man that I looked up to my entire lifesaid it just months after the man he looked up to, his entire life, said it.The words had meaning and probably more meaning that I could ever describe.
“Thank youfor...everything you did for your mom and me...” Dad looked away as emotion took his wordsaway. “I never thanked you and I meant to. I know that what you saw and whatyou’re dealing with now is difficult.”
I couldn’thelp it any longer and I started to get emotional too and walked over to hughim. He immediately stood and wrapped his arms around me.
Until now,we hadn’t talked about that night in Knoxville and we never would in detail.That wasn’t us. But sharing what we did, a hug between a father and son wasexactly what we did do.
Uniformity – Jameson
Axel hadjust left the motor coach when my mom walked in. She seemed in good spirits, asshe always was these days. She tried hard. For the sake of everyone around her,she tried very hard not to feel the pain that part of her was gone. She feltit. Oh god did she feel it. I knew enough about my mom to know late at night,in an empty house that was once walled with a legend was now quiet and filledwith his memories. I found her once in the closet, asleep, in a pile of hist-shirt wearing one of his helmets. I never told her that I had stopped by andfound her but when she woke up on my chest, she knew and we cried together.
It didn’tmatter whether you maintained a smile. Their memory is there as it should be.
Aftertaking a bottle of water from the fridge and a bag of chips from Casten whofollowed my mom around most days, she said eating a chip. “I’m ready to talk tothe media.”
I chokedon my water, as did Sway, who was sitting beside me in the motor coach. We wereall sitting around with Arie and Casten laughing about Axel and Lily’s latestvisit to the doctor where they found out they were having a little boy.
“What?”Sway finally asked since I was trying to catch my breath.
“Well,” mymom looked at Casten who put his arm around her. “I think it’s time they hearfrom me.”
Both themedia and NASCAR had asked to interview her since my dad’s passing but shewasn’t ready. Why?Because she hadn’t dealt with the deathherself.
Whatchanged?
After thememorial in Elma, she finally dealt with it and cried for nearly three daysstraight. And then she went to Tri-State Speedway with Axel and the boys. Beingaround the racing community again, she dealt with his death in her own way. Thesame way he would have. Being around what made him who he was. And that in turnmade her who she was, a racers wife.
You see itwas never racing that he was known for. It was racing that was him.
To understandthat reply you would have to understand the mentality of a racer. And it’s notsomething I can explain.
