Page 100 of The Legend
Outside the doctor the doctor stopped me. The roomhe was in was all glass so I could see him in there, lying in the bed but itdidn’t look like him at all.
I just kept telling myself, repeated actually.“Keep it together.”
The doctor touched my arm, “I want you to beprepared. He doesn’t look good. His condition isn’t good but don’t getdiscouraged. I’ve seen people pull through a thing like this before. He’s inthe best care around.”
“Thank you.” I whispered as my eyes focused onJameson’s body through the glass.
The doctor pressed a button to the left of thedoor that made a beep and then another. It slide open after that and we walkedinside as it closed behind us. I wanted to fall to my knees. I wanted tobreathe but couldn’t. My heart pounded and my breathing seized. I couldn’t putone foot in front of the other. Images flashed of Jimi and Nancy and the painNancy felt. The pain we all felt. Tears surfaced but didn’t fall, the lump inmy throat rose with each second that I thought this would be the last time Isaw him. Would this be my last memory of him?
That could be us. I could lose him. I knew thatthis was possible each time he got into a race car. I always knew that from thevery beginning but it didn’t make the thoughts any easier.
You can prepare yourself all you want but when yousee it happen; nothing helps.
The room was dim, a large screen on the wallshowed all his head and spine scans and it appeared to be chest x-rays as well.Machines, devices and electronics were scattered throughout the room, beeping,vibrating and humming. Strangely I felt a touch of relief knowing thesemachines were keeping him alive.
A low whoosh sound peaked and then flattenedbefore beginning again.
When my eyes finally focused on my husband, hishead was wrapped in gauze and bandages; his wild hair peaked through on theright side. There was a tube down his throat that was taped to his lips. Hiseyes where completely purple and black, and swollen shut. There were tubes andwires everywhere.
He was covered from the neck down in a thick whiteblanket. There was another tube under his arm, connected to a machine filledwith fluid. When my eyes focused once again on his face, I noticed a small tubeattached the side of his head under the bandages. It was hooked-up to a monitorabove him, gauging the pressure in his brain along with additional wiresconnected under the blanket somewhere. More tubes were surrounding his chestand the breathing tube.
He didn’t look like my Jameson, he was lifeless.So pale...so still.
“Will he wake up?”
“Slowly, when we feel his condition has improved,we ease him off the anesthesia but it has to be slow. After that, we remove theventilator and let him breathe on his own.”
I think there’s times when your brain can’t fullyabsorb what happening. It’s almost like it’s protecting you from damage. It’skind of like breaking your leg and still being able to walk on it. Your bodyknows there’s damage but your brain knows that you could be in trouble. Thenext day, you can hardly move with excruciating pain from the broken leg butfor those few hours directly following the blow, you’re mobile. It’s your brainprotecting you. When tragedy happens, so much goes through your brain it’s hardto focus on anything. Look at me. I was carrying around a magazine.
The doctor stepped beside me after making somenotes and looked down at me.
“Talk to him,” he encouraged. “...he needs to hearyour voice.”
My eyes closed slowly. Maybe if I blinked, itwouldn’t be real, didn’t work.
“He’s in a medically induced coma. How can he hearme?”
“He can hear you.” He assured me and stepped outleaving us alone for the first time. “I honestly believe that’s the way torecover from something like this. He needs to hear you. He needs to feel yourtouch and know he has you with him.”
I didn’t say anything but stared at Jameson againas tears streamed down my face.
How could Nancy be so brave?
My vision was bleary from my tears. I swept theback of my hand over my cheeks.
I wanted to touch him, feel his skin against minebut he looked so fragile I didn’t want to risk it. When I could see again, Ifollowed the outline of his arm up his shoulder to his face again. The curve ofhis lips reminded me of the way he kissed me goodbye before he left. Iremembered what his green eyes looked like when he whispered he loved me andthen kissed me once again before he left.
Those were the last memories I had of him.
I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He was myworld but then I thought, at least you have this time with him. Nancy didn’tget to see Jimi at all, not until he was gone. Jameson was alive. I needed tobe thankful for that right now. I understood that much.
My emotions wavered back and forth between beinggrateful to fearing the worst.
After another few minutes the doctor came backinside. “Mrs. Riley, I’m sorry but I can only have you in here for a fewminutes. Visitors aren’t allowed on this floor.” His voice was full of regret.I knew he had no choice.
I ran my hands over my heated face, flushed withexhaustion and emotions.
“I understand.” I nodded taking another longglance at Jameson.
