“I meant the water, jerk.” I clarified grinding my hipsagainst him. “Why do you say that? It’s not salty?”
“Just a joke between my brother and me. It’s funny.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Sitting on his lap, I knew what I wanted and he was gonnagive it up even if I had to rape him.
“Oh,” he chuckled and attacked my neck again with nipsand bites. “OW FUCK!” he screamed clutching his leg, I think. I couldn’t see agoddamn thing out there to know if he was really clutching his leg. The windwhipped around us, crashing the boat against the waves.
“Fuckkkk!” Jameson moaned. “What thefuckhappened? It hurts! It burns!”
“What do you mean? What happened?” Frantically scramblingfrom his lap, I reached for his leg.
“Did you bite me?” he yelled over the sound of the wavesand wind. “I’m bleeding...fuck it hurtswith the salt water!”
“No, how could I have bit you when my mouth was againstyours?”
“Well I don’t know...somethingbit me.”
In that exact moment, while arguing about biting, I feltsomething wet and slimy against my foot and practically jumped on Jameson’sshoulder because holy shit balls there was a goddamn shark in the boat with us.
It was either that, or that was one hefty salmon.
“OH MY GOD...SHARK!”I shrieked in a voice that sounded similar to Michael Jackson in Thriller.
Jameson went all Steve Irwin of the shark community andkicked it. Yep, kicked it.
As if kicking it was really going to do anything to afucking shark.
“Are you kidding me?” I punched his shoulder.
I’m not really sure what possessed me to do it but Ipicked the shark up and tossed it over the edge. And when I say there was ashark on the boat...it was a tiny shark,like something you’d have as a pet but still, it was a shark and teeth thatcould quite possibly kill you.
Regardless of the size and teeth, the Mama Wizard shinedand saved the night.
I turned to Jameson who was clutching his calf.
“Wife ten—husband two,” I swept my wet hair out of myface dramatically as though I’d just run across country. “I need a drink.”
“How the fuck did you get ten?”
“Because I didn’t scream like a little bitch,” I told himwith poise. “I took care of the problem.”
“Okay first off, youdidscream and climbed on my shoulders.Second, the goddamn thing bit me. I could have died!”
“You’re overreacting.” I slumped against the floor besidehim, exhausted by my endeavors.
“No...I’m reallynot overreacting.” Jameson turned wiping water from his face. “Have you everbeen bit by a shark? Or stabbed with a goddamn fork?”
“Well no...butthat’s hardly a shark bite. It’s more like a scratch.”
He pushed his leg in my face. “That’s a scratch?”
Now that I was closer, it was obviously not just ascratch.
“Holy fuck! You need stitches.” I told him acerbically.He actually might, but I decided to keep with the sarcasm because thishoneymoon was turning out to be a shitstorm.
Just when I was thinking we might possibly die out hereand how I would decorate myWilson, we crashed against something hardand then scrapped along it.
