Page 4 of The Champion
We stood there in awkward silence before I decided tofill it.
“So we were just leaving.” I hinted reaching for my coat.
Jameson had quickly disappeared but Lane was now countinghis money on the kitchen stool.
Goddamn him, he left me alone with these assholes.
“Well, we were just about to head out so...” my voice faded again hoping they’d takethe hint.
We weren’t really going anywhere but I had to get them toleave somehow.
“Okay...I made yousome cookies.” Dana pushed a plate of chocolate chip cookies at me. “I knowthey’re Jameson’s favorite.”
They weren’t. Everyone who knows Jameson knows thatoatmeal raisin is his favorite cookie.
“Mmm...yes...he can’t get enough of thosechocolatechip cookies.” I emphasized the chocolate chip cookies part rather loudlyfor no particular reason at all.
Cooper and Dana both looked at me as if I’ve completelylost it but at least they finally leave, after telling me a shit load of timesthat they loved our house and Merry Christmas. They all but skipped off theporch, hand in hand.
“Weirdo,” I heard Lane say off in the distance.
“Jameson?” I called climbing the stairs.
“Yeah,” his voice sounded muffled and distant.
“Where are you?”
“Who’s with you?”
“It’s just me asshole. Where are you?”
“In the kitchen,”
I waddled my ass back into the kitchen. It was the onlyway to walk these days. I won’t say how much weight I’ve gained because it wasjust downright embarrassing and I’m pretty sure even an elephant, who’spregnant for two years, doesn’t gain this much weight.
“Are they gone?” he asked but I still couldn’t see him.
“Where are you?”
The pantry door swung open and he and Lane barreled outwith water guns and soaked the shit out of me.
I was prepared though. I knew this was going to happeneventually when he bought those goddamn things the other day. I quicklymaneuvered my sea lion ass to the sink and drenched them with the sprayer.
The impromptu water fight ended on account of flooding inour brand new kitchen and left Jameson, Lane and I laughing and soaking wet inalmost an inch of water.
As we’re mopping up the floor, well Jameson was, I was lookingout the back window at the lake where Cooper and Dana were waving to us fromtheir paddle boat.
“We have neighbors Sway.” He leaned against thecupboards. “Peppy-stalker neighbors,”
“What they doing?” Lane asked looking out the Frenchdoors in the kitchen, his tiny arm stuck inside a bag of Cheetos.
“It appears these assholes are stalking us,” Jameson toldhim stealing a couple Cheetos when Lane walked over to him as he sat on thekitchen floor. Lane held out his hand and plopped down on his lap. Jameson inturn handed over another dollar.
“We should get a security system installed.”
“We already have one but we’re for sure installingsecurity cameras and a barbwire fence.” Jameson added.
“Barbwire is tacky.”
