Page 39 of The Champion
“Don’t worry.” I told him. “Who else would annoy me theway you two do?”
“We...miss him.”Lucas cried, throwing his arms around me.
For me, I think the worst part about feeling this way wasthe moment I felt among the living again, it started all over again. And everytime—every goddamn time—it took my breath away, crippling me.
“Can we come live with you?” Logan asked after a fewminutes, still crying with an extreme amount of snot coming out of his nose.His arm rose to wipe the snot on the sleeve of his black jacket.
I’ll admit they looked adorable in their little suits.
“No,” I told him in the nicest voice I could. “I’m afraidI’d murder one of you...but I love youguys. So...” brushing his chocolate hairout of his eyes, he looked up at me. “I think it’s best if you stay with your mom,here in this house. And for Christ sakes, have her cut your hair.”
Lucas looked over at me, ignoring my comment about hishair as he too pushed his out of his eyes. “We don’t have to move?”
“No...this is yourhouse to stay in,”
I stayed in the closet with Logan and Lucas for close totwo hours before Jameson came looking for us.
We were in our second game of “Go-Fish” by the time hefound us.
I watched the twins make their way down stairs, thinkingof the way grief had looked on them and realizing that even though everyonelooked different, and acted differently to the grief and sorrow, there werestill five stages regardless of the appearance.
When the denial slowly moved to anger, we usually want tobargain for more time, more of anything. Then comes that blinding depression.
But then, just when you think you can’t take much more,youfinallyreach acceptance. You can try to avoid it as I usually dobut the reality is, sooner-or-later, you have to accept they’re not comingback.
Whether it’s anger, depression, denial, or blame; none ofthat will bring them back.
Blown Motor – Jameson
I sat there watching the race on TV with Axel—Justin wasracing for me. It sucked missing the race but there was nowhere else I’d ratherbe than with my family.
Axel whimpered in my arms, snuggling closer to me after Ifed him his bottle. Poor Sway was in no condition to be breastfeeding today. Itwas comforting to me that just so much as taking care of our son today washelping her through all this.
The announcers on TBS caught my attention as they beganspeaking as to why I wasn’t at the race. It started by them talking with Justinas he stood on the grid next to Bobby before the race.
“Now Justin, you raced for Jameson back in late July lastyear after his wreck in Pocono...how doyou feel being in these full sized cars again.”
“I’m wondering where the wing is?” Justin teased glancingover the car as though he was inspecting it. “Oh,” he pointed at the spoiler.“That must be it.”
Bruce, the announcer laughed. “Yeah, that must be it. Canyou handle this beast?”
Justin laughed again.
“You tell me.” He pointed at the tree in the infield ofRockingham where it read number nine as the number one starting position.
“Fair enough,” Bruce nodded. “Well good luck today withoutthe wing...do you think you can pull offa win here for the Riley family?”
“I hope that we can.” Justin nodded with a smile. “Itwould be great to win here today for that team. They deserve that much.”
The broadcasting station then cut back to the regulartower announcers where they talked about Charlie and what happened.
Leaning back in the chair, I placed Axel against myshoulder to burp him, hoping he didn’t puke on me. I couldn’t handle the pukeon me, it was repulsive.
“That family has had its fair share of turmoil in thelast year.” Rocky said, a former Cup driver that was now broadcasting the racesfor TBS. “Here you have Jameson involved in that wreck in Pocono last July andin a constant battle with the former driver of the No. 14 Wyle Product Chevy.”I found it entertaining that even the news reporting stations wouldn’t even sayhis name these days. “Then his wife was involved in a horrific accident in thegrandstands in Loudon in September of that same year. Having just given birthto their first son; this was not the kind of heartache his, Jameson, and thefamily wanted.” Rocky explained.
I hated that they were discussing this on nationaltelevision but it is what it is. It came with the territory. Everyone wanted toknow why I wasn’t racing this weekend and for the fans that supported me everyweek, they deserved to at least understand why I wasn’t racing.
“Jimi Riley, owner of the Riley Simplex racing releasedthis statement Wednesday morning that said: “We appreciate all your supportduring our family’s time of need. Jameson will not be racing this weekend inRockingham. Justin West, driver of the JAR Racing No. 9 Simplex/Power PlusOutlaw sprint car, will fill in for the Rockingham race. Jameson will be backin the car for the Las Vegas race.”
