Page 33 of The Champion
Charlie woke up soon after the race was under way andwatched with us for a little while before he fell asleep again.
In my gut, I knew this was the end and that made the dayeven worse.
After watching a few reality TV shows with us, Andreapicked him up to take him home and I made sure I gave him an extra-long huggoodbye, as did Emma.
“I love you dad.”
He smiled, a real smile, one I hadn’t seen since he sawAxel for the first time.
“You’ve made my life what it is kid.” He told me andkissed my cheek before he left. “I love you.”
Closing the door behind him, I was met with Emma and amouth full of cookies.
“How fucking sad can one afternoon be?” she wailedcramming another one in, then started choking on them as crumbs flew from hermouth.
“Stop putting them in your mouth while crying.” I repliedsmacking her back. “You’d think you would have learned that as a child.”
Axel was still in his bassinet in the family room soEmma, currently choking, and me, crying, walked back in there and flopped downon the leather chair.
“I know that was his goodbye...I just know it.” I mumbled reaching for the remote next to me.
“I know, right. I feel the same way.” Emma agreedreaching for Axel, still coughing.
“Why don’t you wait until you’ve stopped coughing,” Isuggested handing her a glass of water, taking Axel from her.
“Good idea.”
Axel whimpered as he usually did, snuggling into my arms.
He’d be turning two-months old next week and every day hereminded me a little more of Jameson.
He hadn’t lost any of his rusty loops of hair. Instead,it was thicker and hardly tamable. His eyes were lighter as green hues began topeak through. The best part was that he was gaining weight.
The first month we had a hard time getting him to gainany weight but now he was packing on the pounds, and I was losing them frombreastfeeding, which I loved.
I should clarify. I loved losing the weight. I hatedbreastfeeding.
Who in their right mind would want a child using theirnipples as a feeding device was beyond me.
I get that it’s supposed to make you feel closer to yourchild and is incredibly healthy for the baby but I really don’t enjoy it, atall.
Let me explain the bad sides I discovered. When I firststarted, it was excruciatingly painful. It was as though he felt he needed tobite down on my nipples to get any milk out. I tried to assure him thiswouldn’t help matters and all he needed to do was suck but I was almostpositive he had no clue what the fuck I was talking about.
Then, after they get the hang of sucking for their food,your nipples begin to crack and bleed. Not enjoyable...at all. I wasn’t sure what he got more of, blood or food.
“Do you have any milk?” Emma asked heading for thekitchen for more cookies.
“Yeah...look inthe side door.” I smiled. “Make sure you grab the one in the carton, not in thebags.”
Axel whimpered letting me know he was ready for hisdinner.
I will say that breastfeeding was getting easier but Istill wished he was a year old so I could stop.
Later that night, Emma and I cuddled in bed with Axelwatching aFriendsmarathon when my phone rang. I figured it was Jamesonletting me know he’d be home soon but I was surprised, and sad, to see it wasAndrea.
My heart was immediately pounding in my chestuncontrollably when she asked. “Sway?”
I handed Axel to Emma knowing I couldn’t hold him rightnow. “Yeah it’s me, what’s up?”
