Page 14 of The Champion
“You got scared? The Jameson I married is a force ofnature...passionate, determined andfocused, and never second guesses himself.” I had no idea where the words wereeven coming from just that they kept flowing. I was possessed. “What happenedto you? You’ve gone soft on me.”
He leaned over, kissing my forehead as he whispered hewas sorry once again, ignoring my silly rant.
I, of course, pumped full of so many narcotics, forgavehim.
I was too scared not to forgive him. I honestly thought Iwas going to die. All I kept thinking about was on top of how bad this all hurtlike hell, was that from now on everything would be different. The world nolonger revolved around Jameson and me but it would also include another humanbeing that had needs. This wasn’t a hamster or Mr. Jangles. I couldn’t forgetto feed him or bath him, he would have real life needs and I was pretty sure Iwas not qualified for it and neither was Jameson.
Jameson moved closer and sat behind me in the bed so hecould wrap his arms around me.
“I don’t think you guys gave me enough crack.” I was referringto the epidural as crack. “I think I may need more of the crack.”
“Just breathe, honey.” Jameson whispered to me when Istarted pushing.
“No! I will not breathe until I get more crack!”
“We can’t give you any more.” Dr. Sears told me with hishead between my legs. I felt like asking him how the view was, but didn’t.“Sway, the baby is crowning. You need to push and breathe.”
I slammed my legs shut, the slap of my thighs echoedthroughout the room.
“What the fuck is crowning?” I asked frantically. “Thatdoes not sound good. It’s not normal, is it?”
“Yes it is normal.” He told us, and I say us because whenDr. Sears said the word crowning I felt every muscle in Jameson’s body clenchin horror. “The baby is ready to come out, just push!”
“No...I don’t wantto do this anymore!” I wailed clawing at Jameson.
“It’s a little late for that. Sway, you need to push. Ifyou don’t push, the baby will go into distress. Please push.” He urged.
In a simple gesture to calm me, he rubbed my thigh butJameson didn’t take it as a simple gesture.
“Do you mind not touching my wife’s leg like that?” hegrowled.
“I’m only trying to get her to push so your child can beborn.” Dr. Sears answered.
“Do that without touching her.” Jameson suggested.
“Physically impossible Jameson,” Dr. Sears shot back.“Now both of you concentrate, the baby is crowning.”
“Stop saying that word!” both Jameson and I yelledtogether.
The word was just disgusting to me and made me think of...never mind...Iwon’t even repeat what I’m thinking but use your imagination.
Dr. Sears laughed.
“Do you want to see?” He asked Jameson.
“Uh...no...that’s all right.” Jameson repliedtimorously.
“I don’t blame you.” I said to him.
People say childbirth is a beautiful thing...another crock of shit in my book. It’ssweaty, painful, bloody, gooey...need Isay more? It’s not beautiful to me. It’s disgusting.
I tried to practice my breathing and actually calm myselfbut I only resembled something out of The Exorcist. At one point, Jamesonactually looked afraid of me. If I could just calm down, I could act like anormal version of myself and everything would be okay but I was freaking thefuck out.
Jameson was perspiring like a professional soccer playerbehind me.
“What are you on?” I asked him in between pushes. “You’redripping.”
“Sorry...this isintense.” He was panting almost as much as I was as he wiped sweat from hisforehead.
