Page 85 of Shade
Did you hear what she just said?
I can’t sleep with him.
“Are you shitting me?”
“I’m serious,” she deadpans, leveling me a mom stare and yanking at her tank top clinging to her baby belly. “This is more about being their personal assistant. It’s about being a friend to them and letting them know they can trust you. These boys are more than a client. They’re family. I love them, I do, but Shade’s drowning. And I can’t be there for him in the same way you can. I need you to help him through it. You’re different. He needs a friend like you. The last friend. . . .” She pauses, as if maybe she shouldn’t have said that. Her eyes are distant, wandering around the room before landing on mine again. “Rhya wasn’t a good friend. She used him and destroyed what was left. He needs you to help him through this darkness, but he doesn’t need you to fuck him.”
I feel the need about now to confess something. She had to know where I stood from the beginning. Yes, I want this job, mostly for the chance to see Shade every day and the slim possibility he might fall for me, but I couldn’t go into this with a lie. I just couldn’t. “I kind of already have,” I admit, stuttering the words out. “When he was here a couple weeks ago for the X Fighters.”
“I know that.”
She’s like a ninja of knowledge. “You do?”
“Yes. I saw the way you were watching him. Dead giveaway.”
Well, I’m transparent, aren’t I? “So why can’t I again? I mean, if we already did once, what’s the problem?”
“Don’t be like all these other pro hos trying to land him. Be different. Be you. He doesn’t need a quick fuck. He needs a friend. If you sleep with him, he’ll know you’re easy and lose interest.”
Well, she’s brutally fucking honest, isn’t she?
“What makes you think I want him to fall in love with me?”
And now I’m handed a, “You can’t be that fucking stupid, can you?” look.
Willa takes a deep breath, almost like she can’t believe she has to explain this to me. “Okay,well, for one, I sat right here with you two weeks ago and watched you drool over him. I get it, he’s attractive, but any girl who’s in it for the fame, he’ll fuck and walk away from. He’s not interested in falling for someone who only wants him for his fame. But. . . I can see that you care for him. I saw that too, amongst the drool. And let’s face it, you make him laugh, and that doesn’t happen very much. So if you want an honest to God chance with him, don’t have sex with him.”
Well fucking fuck. No, seriously. Justfuuuuuuck!
This sounds nearly impossible, doesn’t it? He’ll smile, and I’ll melt into a puddle only to beg him to slurp me up.
“Don’t get me wrong, he’s going totryto get you to have sex with him,” she warns. Excitement shoots through my veins. “They all will, but Shade”—she shakes her head subtly—“he’s going to try the hardest. Out of all of them, he doesn’t take no for an answer.” Willa’s quick to add, “I don’t mean in the way like he’d ever force you to do anything. He’s not a dirt bag. I mean in the sense that his determination is how he’s gotten to where he is. That’s why he’s the most successful out of the three.”
Okay, so he’s going to try, and I have to deny him. That won’t be easy. Probably about as hard as trying to be the dude’s friend when I can only imagine after Rhya, how guarded he must be.
“What was his relationship with Rhya?”
Willa frowns, as though a distant memory causes her pain. It takes her a moment and then she leans forward, her voice softer. “The only reason I’m going to tell you this is because I know you’ll sign this contract. Ordinarily I wouldn’t explain any of this to someone outside our family, and that’s exactly what we are. A family. But this. . . everything that happened with Rhya is his private life, and I expect that this will not leave this table.” I nod, eager to learn how this girl wrecked him so badly. “Rhya was a drug addict and a liar. She used him and was more than a friend. And when she killed herself, she took a part of him and ripped it out. He doesn’t see it as being okay for him to move on, even though she’s gone. Your job is going to be to bring that out in him.”
I nod, though I’m not sure at this point I even know what I’m nodding to.
She continues with, “Let’s not bullshit ourselves. You’re not qualified for being a public relations rep. But I’m not hiring you for that. I’m hiring you to be their personal assistant and save Shade from himself. On paper, it’s all business, but these boys, they’re my family. I have to do what’s right for me too, and my baby, but I will not let Shade crash.”
I get what she’s saying. He’s struggling, and the last thing she wants is him losing his career too. I totally get that. I’ve watched his career closely over the last year, and though you can tell he’s not 100 percent, he still has decent finishes, and he’s even leading the X Fighters points battle.
So the question remains, can I help? I can do this, can’t I? What’s a few months without sex and getting paid to travel around with a professional freestyle rider?
Could be hell. But it might also be a chance of a lifetime to finally get out of Seattle and everything still tying me to Asher. The reminder of Asher sends a jolt through my chest. If only I’d had a friend to help me through his death, but I didn’t, until Mila and she doesn’t even know about him.
But seriously, no sex?
I bite my nails nervously and then pick up the pen. “Ican’tsleep with him. . . ,” I repeat, and she nods. “And I have to watch other girls sleep with him?”
Willa’s face softens. “I get it. I see who he is. I see the attraction and the endless flow of women in that house. But I’m telling you right now, youdon’twant the guy he is at the moment. That guy you see on TV, the lively energetic freestyle rider who would do anything to put on a show and always had a smile on his face, he’s not even close to that guy anymore. He might say things to you, make you feel like he wants you, but it’s just an act. He’s good at it.Believe me,he’s good at it. Shade’s been pretending to be someone else around women for years. Probably his entire life. At this point,hedoesn’t even know who he is.”
“When I slept with him back in July, he didn’t make eye contact with me,” I admit, sadly.
“I know.”
