Page 63 of Shade
He ignores my remark, but even in the dim lighting, I can see the flicker in his eyes, the tightening of his jaw, a subtle shift in the tension holding his shoulders tight.
“Leave your number,” he says, scrubbing his palms over his despondent eyes when he pulls away, his troubled face drowning. “I’ll call you the next time I’m in town.”
Will he? Would he ever want to see me again?
My heart lurches at his words, each one laced with exhaustion and loneliness, two things I did nothing to suffice. I smile, not sure what else to say as he pushes away from me completely and sits on the edge of the bed. He looks over at me. He smiles, just barely, still no eye contact and then wards it off, but I catch it, as brief as it might have been.
He smiled at me. Well, smiled in mydirection. For all I know he’s smiling at the damn wall.
My heart pounds as he stands and walks away, his silhouette retreating to the bathroom. He keeps his head down, and the soft click of the door tells me it’s my time to go. The whole experience feels cold. I mean, I enjoyed it. I don’t regret it, but uneasiness sweeps through me.
I thought we’d have a spark, a connection. I thought his kiss and the grip of his hands on me, the way his breath panted in my ear, I thought it all meant something.
Didn’t you?
I’m saving myself the embarrassment and leaving now before he kicks me out.
Silence envelopes me. No sounds of the air conditioner, just dead silence.
Do you see me there, on the bed? What do I do?
Do I follow him? Should I clean myself up? Roll over and go to sleep?
I should leave.
You know those guys who are fucked-up and vulnerable, and you want to fix them? Shade’s that guy. I don’t think he was before his friend killed herself; actually, I know he wasn’t. But he is now. Part of me feels a bit cheated here too.
Unfortunately, for Shade, the death of his friend has not only contributed to his behavior now, it’s fueling his unsettling darkness rather than freeing him from it.
If anyone knows that feeling, it’s me. And though I doubted I provided him much of anything, I know what he gave me tonight. Along with a few orgasms, an understanding that there’s way more to Shade Sawyer than what meets the eye.
