Page 37 of Shade
The man takes the soap, glances at the number and then hands it back to me, his eyebrow gathering. “I’ll letMilaknow if he needs anything.”
Ugh. Of course. But still, Mila and I are tight. If they call and need something, who do you think she’ll send?
Bitch better send me or her ass won’t have a couch to sleep on.
I’M PISSED OFF by the time I find Mila in the lobby doing whatever it is she does as a manager.
She knows what I’m going to say. At least I think she does because she doesn’t even look up at me. “What?”
“Shade won’t let anyone in his room for turndown service. How can I present myself naked in his bed if he won’t even let the maid in?”
How can I let him know I’ve experienced pain like his and it won’t last forever? I’m not about to tell Mila that, as she doesn’t know about Asher, but I’m still thinking it.
After glancing around the lobby, Mila takes me by the arm and leads me over to the entrance of the restaurant, attempting to maintain privacy I assume. “He checked out.”
Does she think I’m stupid? I just literally saw the dude by the windows in the penthouse suite looking like if they opened, he’d hurl himself out of them. I wasn’t about to tell her the room looked trashed either. She’s lying to me and she sucks at it. “Hedid not, Mila.” I jab at her shoulder, annoyed. “I know he’s holed up in the penthouse suite avoiding the media, andyouneed to let me in there.” If anyone could convince Shade to let me in, it’d be Mila.
“Nope. Checked out.”
I roll my eyes. Does she take me for an idiot?
I know how this works though. Shade’s famous. And his friend killed herself and he hasn’t commented yet. Naturally, our hotel lobby is full of paparazzi trying to get a peek at Shade and get him to comment. If I can’t get to him, neither can these jerks.
Glaring at Mila, I place my hands on my hips. “Stop lying. You’re awful at it.” We step inside the restaurant, Mila’s eyes wandering around the room looking for someone. “Is it true?”
I have to give Mila credit here. Her expression is unreadable. “Is what true?”
“That his girlfriend killed herself?”
“Scarlet,” she whispers, “yes,he’s here, but I can’t tell you any more than that. I don’t know much other than he doesn’t want to see anyone and wants to be left alone.”
I could have told her that.
“Which is why you should talk to him about letting me in,” I say diplomatically. “I canmakehim forget.”
While my intention is sexual in nature, as we’ve established, I want to hold him. I also know nothingmakes this pain go away, though I want to try for him. When Asher killed himself, I had no one. Absolutely nobody that could relate to the devastation I felt inside, the sense of loss I still haven’t closed because he ended it without closure.
Mila’s not so convinced and I know she’s trying to protect him, but damn it, so am I. “Really? He’d known that girl since he was a baby and he’s tried to protect her just as long. And when she needed him the most, he wasn’t there, and she died.”
“She shot herself in the head,” I deadpan, wondering if she truly understands dying and suicide are different, in my opinion, but I’m quick to add, “At least that’s what the news articles say.”
“I don’t know what she did and it’s not my concern.” Willa, Shade’s PR rep waves to Mila and I want to follow her. “He’smy concern.”
“Mine too,” I yell after her. “Let me in that damn room!”
“I can’t.” She fucking waves me off. “I have work to do. So do you.”
Yeah, well my work isn’t getting done if I can’t get in that room.
You’re wondering why Mila doesn’t know about Asher, aren’t you?
Well, I have a theory. I’ve spent my entire life trying to put up a protective, strong façade so no one will know what’s happened to me. Dad sucks. Mom’s a mess and my first love. . . killed himself because of me. Those walls, my tough girl attitude, it’s the security blanket I use against everything else in my life.
That’s why nobody knows about Asher, and I don’t hang out with anyone I used to know during that time of my life and why eventually, I want to leave Seattle forever.
TWO DAYS PASS. They’re the longest two days of my life where I don’t see Shade and he refuses to let anyone inside the room.
I also can’t blame him for his recluse behavior. Can you? His best friend shot herself. Most people would be a wreck. I don’t even remember the six months following Asher’s death. What I do remember is the paralyzing grief that took over.
