Page 28 of Shade
Do you see that guy? His ears are ringing, his hands are shaking, the phone falling to the floor from his hands. His mind crumbles, every thought gone.
I don’t know what time it is any longer. All I know is my stomach heaves, and I rush to the bathroom, white knuckles gripping porcelain as my stomach empties.
Could I have stopped her? Could I have made a difference?
Would the time it took from her text to Auden outside her apartment have made a goddamn bit of difference?
No. She chose this. It was the answer she thought was right.
Do you see me there? Body hunched over, vomiting, losing all control, reality crashing in on me?
Time moves even slower. A noise resonates inside of me. One I can’t forget.
That bang.
That trigger being pulled.
With my face pressing against the tile floor, I cry.
“I’m sorry,” I shout to the silence surrounding me.
Am I angry at her?
I. . . don’t know if I know the answer to that question.
