Page 92 of Trading Paint
“No,” she shook her head. “You can’t do that. You made this decision to race and I will not settle for you doing this half-assed. You want to be the best; you have to work hard.”
I knew that but the thought of her alone up there was killing me.
We eventually stopped talking and fell asleep like that on my bed. I held her the entire night hoping that offered a sense of comfort for her. I knew then that she didn’t want to leave and not come with me but it was once again Sway choosing someone else’s needs over her own. I was furious with Charlie that he was making her go to college. What if she didn’t want to work for him? He never gave her an option and I hated that. At least with me, I asked her if she wanted to come. I may have thrown a fit when she didn’t but I still asked. Charlie just told her what she’d be doing and assumed that’s what she wanted.
When it was time to say goodbye, she was an emotional basket case and like everything else, I held it in, afraid that if I allowed myself to feel, it would break me.
“It takes a tough person to do what you do...don’t second guess yourself.” Sway choked over her tears.
“I won’t.” I mumbled.
I had yet to look into her eyes. My own were fixated on my hands fumbling with the hole in my jeans as I sat on the porch.
“Just don’t forget that. Remember why you’re doing this.”
I nodded pulling her into a tight hug. I said nothing else but when I got home that afternoon, I sent her a text.
See you in Eldora.
The next time we would get to see each other was three months away. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to work and when the season opener for the USAC sprint cars opened in Ocala the following week and I wrecked, it was confirmed.
It didn’t help that a new driver Brad Wheeler tangled with me every lap and then finally clipped my right rear sending me flying into the catch fence.
I was not happy.
When USAC suspended me for two races, I lost it at the hotel room that night.
I destroyed everything in that hotel room that night. I couldn’t stop.
The thought that Sway wasn’t there any longer was maddening to me and being suspended was the cake topper. I couldn’t control myself. I even went as far as punching my own brother when he got in the way of that Wheeler fucker and me earlier in the night.
An hour later, I sat there curled up on the floor of the shower, my knuckles bleeding from the blunt forces. I was almost positive a few bones were broken in my hand but then again, I couldn’t feel the pain. I could only feel the constant ache thinking of her alone at college without me but worst of all, me without her.
That night while the water washed away the debris from my engine failure, I contemplated not racing anymore. For the first time in my career, I thought maybe this wasn’t for me.
In the morning, when I was testing in Lernerville with a broken hand, I realized why I could never quit racing.
Comparing Sway to an engine, she’s the oil and what holds me together and keeps me running smoothly but racing makes up my engine. It’s the pistons, the bearings, the values and the headers.
Without racing, there would be nothing for her to lubricate and I wouldn’t be a running engine. It’sallI’ve ever known andwillever know because that was me. Even though I had been running in the red for years, my engine had finally blown.
I knew the first step to a rebuild of an engine failure.
Now was the time to tear it apart and figure out where the mechanical failure had gone wrong in the first place and then rebuild it. I needed to drain the coolant, disconnect all the hoses and start from scratch.
15.Dirt Tracking – Jameson
Dirt Tracking – Driving hard into a corner on a paved track causing the rear end to swing out wide as if on a dirt surface.
Discovering why an engine failed isn’t always an easy process. There are times when the failure is unexpected. One minute you’re riding around the track, passing cars and gaining positions and then the next thing you know all that power is gone, and it just blows. No warning, no shaking, just blows.
I knew why I my engine failed.
I was poorly lubricated, overheated daily, had too much heat and pressure, and my bearings were misaligned.
I had no choice now but to disassemble, clean, inspect and rebuild.
“Everything I’m doing is for a reason. This is what I wanted.”
