Page 53 of Trading Paint
“So that’s it...” She laughed sarcastically. “You know Jameson, it’s not like you’re perfect. I know you slept with Sway.”
“What are you talking about?” I scoffed. “I’ve never slept with Sway.”
“You did last night...I saw her leave this morning.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “You know Chelsea,” I stepped closer to her so she could feel my breath against her face. Reaching up, I angled her chin up to look me in the eye. “Itispossible to sleep in the same room with someone of the opposite sex and not fuck them...but you wouldn’t know how to do that, would you?”
Her eyes flashed anger.
“Fuck you Jameson!” she shouted pulling away. “Fuck you and your racing! You’re never going to make it out east with that temper of yours. You’ll fuck it all up.”
I laughed despite the anger raging inside me. I wasn’t sure what else to do. She knew goddamn well I would make it. Undisputable, my anger could potentially be a problem but she was just trying to piss me off.
She then decided to up the sermonizing by adding, “You’re always going to be considered Jimi’s kid. I’m not stupid either, you can deny it all you want but I know you’ve been fucking around with Sway.”
Never in my life had I wanted to hit a woman like I did right then. Not only was she knocking my skills on the track, but she was accusing me of something I didn’t do. Wanted to, but didn’t.
“Don’t turn this around on me Chelsea.” I yelled after her as she stormed out of my room, my fist connected with my bedroom wall. The gaping hole in the sheetrock confirmed my anger problem was still present. I would need to work on that.
Surprisingly, once she left, I went about packing again as if nothing happened.
Trying to pack proved to be difficult because everyone stopped by that day to say goodbye to me. Some were enjoyable and others were not.
Tommy cried, actually cried and then when I told him to meet us in Vegas, he was fine again. Tommy knew sprint cars and he specifically knew set-ups. I needed him.
Cooper stopped by and that was awkward because we hadn’t talked since I found out he had slept with Sway.
He said he’d come watch races when he could and to keep in touch. I said I would but I wasn’t sure that I would. I seemed to guard myself with anyone that showed interest in Sway. I know now why I did, but back then, I didn’t.
I nearly lost all control when my mom came for a visit. She spent most of the time in tears and crying about her baby boy leaving home and some shit about a nest and birds and I frankly stopped listening at one point until she started to make sense.
“Don’t forget where you came from.” She told me pulling me into a hug, an obsessive amount of tears falling from her eyes. “Above all else, do this because you want to not because you can.”
I’m not sure what she meant by that, but I listened. I think.
The next was Spencer.
I always felt badly because of my racing, what Spencer and Emma wanted was usually put on the back burner.
“We do this because we love it.” Was all they ever said to me when helping me out at thetrack.When it came down to it, they loved their odd jobs with my makeshift team. Emma had the negotiation skills of a great debater and Spencer could lift a fucking Buick if needed.
They were perfect to have around.
Emma on the other hand, I refused to let her come. Yeah, she graduated early with us but she was also sixteen. I didn’t want that type of responsibility. I could handle Spencer and I could handle Emma, but not together. They fed off each other and I was the only normal one, stuck in the middle.
Later that night, as I expected, when dad arrived home from Grand Rapids, he made his way inside my room.
He didn’t say anything for a good ten minutes and when he did speak, it was quiet.
“Is this really what you want?” he asked. “I only ask because you need to think this through. This isn’t just about doing something you love anymore. It becomes your entire life.”
I knew what I wanted. I didn’t have to think about it. I’d spent the last seventeen years thinking about it.
“Yes.” My voice was confident and unwavering, just like my decision to leave home.
He sighed with a nod of his head, his tired eyes found mine. “There’s going to come a time in your life when you’d give it all away to just feel.”
Huh?
