Page 39 of How to Deal
Everyone needs time to themselves.
Everyone. And me. . . Idefinitelyneed something to take my mind off everything.
I try to think about when I’m the happiest, and my mind holds clarity. That time always occurs for me when I’m swimming.
Drawing in a deep breath, I stand at the edge of the tile, the water gleaming below my feet, the morning sun so clear and calm.
Just as the sun peeks over Camelback Mountain is my favorite time of the day to do laps. It’s when that sun first hits the water and gives it that sparkle.
I stare at it for a while, admiring the way there’s not a wave in sight, just clear glasslike water. I stretch my arms and legs, inhale deeply and then dive down feeling immediately weightless.
There’s something surreal about swimming laps, the physicality of it alone wakes up parts of your body you didn’t know existed.
The sense of weightlessness as you push and push your body to go faster, dig deeper, virtually glide through the water like a streamlined torpedo. It helps me escape to another world where the only sounds are my own for that solitary hour of almost horizontally free-falling through another dimension.
I don’t want this feeling to end, but I know that it has to and then the drudgery of my day begins. It’s like this every morning. Just me in my own water-filled world, all alone, free of responsibilities, but I’m always forced to return to the land of the living, the land of bills and responsibilities and a dead-end job that I need to do something about. For now, I’m sinking effortlessly down into my aqueous world and will relish the feeling of the next sixty minutes.
I live for this sensation. It’s the only strength I know these days and makes me feel confident, even if it is only long enough to give me the serenity to forget the past. Only I can’t.
My mind is constantly on Tathan and the fact that I’m looking forward to seeing him today.
Breathless, I emerge from the water, drying myself off with my towel. Why is he invading my thoughts like this?
Oh, probably because I agreed to go on a date with him.
What was I thinking?
“You weren’t,” I tell myself, heading back upstairs.
