Page 80 of Unbound
She flicks my ear and walks inside the house. “F-off. Come on Nova.” She takes her by the hand. “It’s time to get ready.”
“You’re so childish,” I yell after her, my shoulders shaking with laughter.
Beck and Linc approach me, both seeming relaxed. I glance at the both of them. “What’s up?”
Linc twirls a drum stick in his hand. “We talked to Dylan about the last few shows, and Sam. Looks like if we honor the last ones and leave in the morning, we’re good.”
Leaving in the morning. I let those words soak in because though I knew I was leaving in the morning, it still hasn’t completely sunk in.
Clearing my throat, I nod. “And you guys want to honor them, right?” I think they know my question spans a lot further than its intention here.
Beck’s shrugs. “We talked a lot on the way here and we know we were a bit hard on you but we had to be for you to see what you see now.”
As much as it hurt to have them turn their back on me, it was definitely needed.
TWO HOURS LATER, I’m standing next to Sophie, my palms needy when I reach for her hand and then tuck her arm in mine.
We don’t say anything, mostly because now’s not the time and we’re surrounded by people.
As we walk down the makeshift aisle lined with hay, her eyes leave mine, her expression still sincere as we move to our respective places under the arbor, waiting for Lenny.
The wedding march begins and Tyler walks Lenny down the aisle, both of them in rubber boots and umbrellas as the rain refuses to give up. Around fifty people fill the backyard in a private ceremony, one that’s determined to see this through, despite the weather.
There’s a wedding happening around me, vows and promises for eternity, but I can’t take my eyes off the breathtaking girl to the left. Her dress isn’t white, and she’s not the bride, but I don’t think my heart knows the difference.
I could close my eyes and pretend she is.
I could take a deep breath and tell myself not to think about anything else, but it’s impossible.
I can’t help but wonder if this girl, whose stare hasn’t left mine, is experiencing any of these same feelings. Is her throat tight with all the emotions racing through her mind?
“Beautiful,” I mouth in silence to Sophie, who’s holding her flowers close. I wink and notice her cheeks turning pink as she gives me a shy smile. Right now, in this second, she looks as consumed as I am.
“Sexy,” she mouths back, and I have to force myself to look away to keep from laughing at her boldness.
Shifting my gaze back to hers, I have to blink back the emotions racing through me. I struggle to refrain from the urge to fall to my knees and beg her for forgiveness.
For her, for now, I will wear a smile and suppress the guilt. But inside, watching her now, I won’t accept that we’re over. I won’t. We’re not. I want this warmth swirling within my chest to stay there forever. The feeling never truly went away. It only grew deeper.
Suddenly I feel as though everything I’m experiencing is on display for all to see. Taking a deep breath, I quickly scan the guests and realize everyone around is focusing on the nervous bride and groom, as it should be. Lenny’s smile’s soft as she watches my brother. His slow exhale and choked out, “I do,” surprise me, but then again, it doesn’t. The strength of love he has for her is something he thought was lost forever. The respect radiating through me for him and his decisions he’s made over the years is damn near overwhelming.
Against all odds, he found love again after it was ripped from his life. Red had a life, a wife, a family and it was taken brutally from him. He had a right to say, fuck it all. But he didn’t. That wasn’t Reddington Walker. Much like the weather today, he’d never give up.
Me? My girl cheated on me, but it wasn’t anything like what he went through. Yeah, it hurt and the resentment I carried around swallowed me whole, but did I have a right to behave the way I did?
No. I didn’t.
There’s been a lot of instances in my life when I wished I would have handled things more like my brother, but if I really think about it, I wish I could go back and tell my eighteen-year-old self to slow down and ask myself, would Red act this way? Because maybe if I had done that, if I had followed his example, pushed through my grief and resentment, Sophie and I would be the ones exchanging vows right now.
I take a deep breath, a pushing weight against my ribs. My eyes drift to Sophie, and then Lyric. They deserve better. Red was right. I have to learn to love the woman she is now, the mother of my son, and in many ways, I already do.
For her, for my son, I wouldn’t be the lost soul I once was.
I can’t be.
