Page 34 of Unbound
The morning brings no clarity to my thoughts. All I think about is how I deceived him again. It doesn’t matter how he treated me the last few years. It matters that I didn’t want to bethisperson, constantly lying to him. My chest aches and pinches knowing I once against made a decision I wasn’t okay with.
Mexico was my decision. The night I lost my best friend.
Not telling him about Lyric was my decision.
I heard his bedroom door open last night.
I heard the toilet flush.
He’s two doors down.
Just two doors.
A bathroom separates us.
My heart aches to go to him, to feel the warmth of his body against mine and the way his pillows used to make me sleepy. If I ever needed a good night’s sleep, I went to his room. There were nights when Lyric was fussy and I’d take him in Rawley’s room and lay him on the bed. He’d fall asleep immediately. Like I said, sleepy pillows or something. Rawley used to tease me it was the weed that put me to sleep, but it wasn’t that. It was him, the way his room and he smelt.
I could get up and explain everything to him, but would he listen?
There’s a Rawley I know who would, but I haven’t seen him in a really long time.
Carefully, I open my bedroom door and sneak across the hall to where Lyric sleeps, which is Red’s old bedroom. Mia let me convert it to a nursery when Lyric was born, and now we have two cribs in there for when Chevy comes over and a bed for Nova.
It’s Saturday morning, a week until the wedding, and I know I have a ton of stuff to do today but I can’t wait to see my son. They say babies make it all better and I have to agree. I don’t know where I’d be without him these last eight months. He’s even helped Mia. I’ve never seen her so happy since her husband passed away two years ago.
Lyric’s wide awake, standing up in his crib and chewing on the railing. He literally chews on everything these days since he’s cut two bottom teeth.
I smile when I enter the room, my voice hushed. “Hey, buddy!”
He starts jumping up and down with his hands on the rail, smiling and laughing at me as I make my way toward him.
“How’d you sleep?” I ask, knowing he’s not going to answer me with words but smiles.
Sure enough, he gives me those bright brown eyes that remind me of clay. I’ve never loved the look of dirt so much on a little boy. Sweeping his crazy blond hair from his eyes, I’ve considered giving him his first hair cut already, but I can’t help but keep it. His hair has a slight curl to it, just like Rawley’s, and I don’t dare cut it because I’m afraid he’ll lose the curls. It’s funny how he can look so identical to Rawley yet has my hair. I would have thought he’d have Rawley’s dark brown to match the eyes.
With Lyric in my arms, I walk out of the room. The sound of each of my footsteps on the wooden floor as I pass his room echoes in my ears. He’s in that room with the door closed.
I’m both anxious and relieved when I’m downstairs and he’s not there.
“Rawley’s not here?” I ask Mia when I’m in the kitchen with her.
Mia gives me a sympathetic smile and tickles Lyric’s side when I set him in his high chair. Our eyes catch and she looks at me for a long moment. “He said he’ll be back later.”
My heart pounds in my chest, the subtle shake of my hands going unnoticed, but I can’t help it. “Did he seem upset?”
She nods, her lids lowering leaving me with nothing but lashes. “Yeah, he just needs some space to think.”
Space. When we broke up back in high school, he left me sitting in the bleachers at the stadium crying, because he needed to think. Needed space.
I also know exactly why he needs space. He knows I live here now and he’s going to avoid me at all costs. Not so different than before really.
Taking the formula from the cupboard, I prepare Lyric’s morning bottle along with a cut up banana for him and his favorite—avocados cut up into tiny bites. “Is he staying for Red’s wedding?”
“Yeah, that’s why he’s home.” Mia hands me Lyric’s bib. “I told him I’d never talk to him again if he didn’t come home. But I wasn’t actually expecting him to or I would have told you about it so we could prepare. I’m sorry. I feel a little responsible for what happened.”
Placing the prepared banana on Lyric’s tray, I take the avocado and cut that up in small bites too. “Don’t feel sorry, Mia. I knew when I left Seattle without telling him eventually I’d be forced to. I mean, I’m living with his mother. He was bound to find out someday.”
She nods. “I know. I just hate that both of you were put on the spot.”
