Page 92 of Unbearable
Curling his hand to cup my cheek, his lips give me what I need, even harder than what I imagine he will give me. I moan at the sensation, blend of warm and wet soft lips making contact with mine. My hand fists in the fabric of his T-shirt as his tighten around me. Without meaning to, I straddle his lap.
Tyler moans deeply at the change in our position and greedily moves his hands lower over my ass. A spike of nervousness and excitement pricks my skin, settling in my belly. I’ve missed him so much.
His fingers clench into tight fists around the hem of my shirt. That’s when his hard length presses into my center, his hips straining a little closer to capture the friction.
“Raven.” He groans, his eyes squeezing shut as a shudder moves through him.
Hearing my name on his lips makes my heart stumble.
I don’t have a chance to recover before he growls softly, possessively, against my lips. “You have no idea how much I need you.”
By the hardness pressing against me, I have a pretty good idea.
And that’s when I stop. He does need me, but not this way. Not yet.
He notices the hesitation and then I move to sit next to him, pulling away completely. Rubbing his hands over his face, he groans before he drops them to his sides. “What’s wrong?”
I stand, intending to leave when he grabs my hand.
When he speaks, it’s low and deep. With pleading eyes, he presses gentle hands on my cheeks. “Come on, please. Raven…don’tgo. I’m sorry I did that. Please don’t leave without giving me hope that we’re okay.”
“Tyler, we can’t keep falling into this trap. If I have sex with you tonight, it’s just like all the other times. I don’t want to be here for just sex. I want more than that.”
It’s so hard for me to say because sex with Tyler is so fucking amazing. I want to wash my mouth out with soap for saying I can’t have sex with him.
He exhales a huge breath and nods. “I want more than sex too. But I can’t have you leave without knowing how you feel. Regardless of not having sex, which sucks, but I need to know.” His words send my nerves into a rushed frenzy, my heart hammering as he clasps his hands together between his knees. “I don’t know what you want out of a relationship,” he admits. “Hell, I don’t know if I really know how to be in a relationship but what I do know is I want to figure it out with you. It’s up to you, Raven. You’re going to have to take the lead because when it comes to this, I’m flying blind.”
I understand what he’s asking and by the fragile way he’s holding onto my eyes. I don’t think I can give it to him right now. We need time to figure out what a relationship between the two of us means.
I take his hands in mine, our eyes making contact. “We stumbled into our physical relationship, and I fell hard. We have to take this slow.” His face falls with my words and I lose his eyes. “And I’m not saying no, but I feel like if we’re truly meant to be, you’ll be willing to wait while we build a stronger foundation and in order to do that we have to take it slower this time.” Blinking slowly, his stare returns but there’s not the same hope there once was. “I thought having a relationship with you would give me the security I needed, but the truth is, the definition I wanted before of boyfriend and girlfriend doesn’t mean anything. It’s just that. A definition. I think I’ve learned that when it comes to us, actions speak louder than words and while we can tell each other everything we want to hear, we aren’t truly going to be successful in the long term without taking the time to really learn about each other and what the other needs out of this.” Sighing, I release a deep breath. “I just can’t jump back into what we were. The worst part of this was I wasn’t looking out for myself. I went head on into this hoping to snag my childhood crush. If you’re asking me if I love you, the answer is yes. But a true relationship needs to be built into more in order to survive. We had sex, Tyler. That’s all we had and as great as it is, that’s not a relationship that will last.”
He nods, knowing there’s truth to my words.
Dipping my head forward, I wait for him to look at me. “In order for this to work, you have to come to terms with who you are too. You can’t use me as an escape from your life. You need to deal with not being able to have children and what that means for our future. I’m ready to make that sacrifice foryou, but you have to be ready to make it too. And you need to forgive your parents.”
He stares at me, his fingers dancing over my palm as he smiles softly. Raising his hand, he touches my cheek with just his fingertips like he’s brushing away an eyelash. “Beauty and brains… how’d I get so lucky?”
I laugh. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
His hand moves down my neck and then falls away and he nods, once more. “As much as I want to call you mine, I understand we might not be ready for that just yet. I’m willing to do it your way if it means we’re getting a chance.”
Sitting next to him on the couch again, his lips meet mine and when I don’t push him away, his mouth comes back a second and third time, and on the forth, they don’t leave mine.
“I love you,” he whispers against my mouth. His tongue sweeps gently against mine. “I love youso much, Raven, and I’ll wait forever for us.”
My arms wrap around his neck. “I love you, too.”
He closes his eyes. His fingertips press into the curve of my jaw as he holds my head in his hands. “Don’t get me wrong, my D will miss your V, but he’ll learn to deal with it,” he teases, his humor returning.
I throw my head back, laughing. We’re so inappropriate. “Muff loves her Wang.”
His shoulders shake as a laugh rolls through him. “We need to talk about something else now. All this muff and wang talk isn’t good for me.”
I snuggle against his side and then stick a pillow between us. “Let’s watch this movie.”
Just being with him, like this, with everything out in the open is by far the most relaxing night I’ve experienced in a long time.
I DON’T HEAD straight back to Eugene Sunday night. Instead, I sneak home to grab a few things from mom’s house. She’s outside watering her newly planted flowers in the backyard so I go back there to check on her. She’s been a huge help with Tyler too, and I know she’ll be around the shop and upstairs during the day to check on him for me.
