Page 81 of Unbearable
Jesus, I’m a bitch!Tyler’s jaw tenses at my words. He knows that was a dig at him.
The officer nods. “You know how to reach us if you need anything, right?”
Again, I nod and he leaves a minute later.
I think maybe Tyler might choose now to go, but he doesn’t. He lingers by the door like he’s struggling to leave just like I’m struggling to let him go.
I watch as he slowly slides down the wall to sit on the floor. “Say it.” He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “Say there’s no chance ever.” His voice cracks. “Tell me to walk out the door and never look back.”
The pain in his voice ripples through me. I can’t do it.
He leans forward and buries his face in his hands. He’s shaking his head, as if he can’t process what’s happening to us. “If you don’t want me, end it. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t end it. You have to do it.” His head hangs, his body nearly giving out.
I say nothing.
I can’t do it either. The last thing I want is to end it.
His voice evens out but still holds tension. He regards me silently for a moment and I can see there’s so much hurt inside his eyes I haven’t even seen the half of it. “Raven… just put me out of my fucking misery.”
I know exactly what I need to say to him. “We were never together, remember?”
Oh my God, why did I just say that?
He stares up at me for the longest time, like he’s trying to diagnose a misfire. Or he can’t believe I just said that to him. Sadness rolls through his shoulders, hunching on the onset as he nods, once. Agony floods his eyes.
Sighing heavily, he struggles to stand, leaning heavily against the wall. He runs a hand through his hair and opens his mouth to speak but then clamps it shut again, as if he can’t believe my words. It takes him a second to get around his breaking words. He swallows and drops his eyes to the floor. He looks at the door momentarily as if he’s trying to decide to leave or speak. I can see the twitch in his jaw right before he locks eyes with me. “You’re right.” As he passes me, his voice hits my heart with each word. He pauses and leans in so his warmth radiates into me, and I know what I’m going to miss it. With his chest against mine, I can almost feel the beat in his chest and his breath on my face. “Just do me one last favor, Raven. If I text you…don’tanswer it and if you see me walking toward you, turn and walk the other way.”
I’m taken aback by his words, and then he’s gone.
I stare at the door as it closes, wondering if I should stop him because he’s been drinking and I shouldn’t let him leave like this. There’s something incredibly off about him and his demeanor but I don’t have the energy to figure out what it is. I let him go even though every fiber of my being is yelling at me to stop him.
I fucking stare at the door once more because there goes the rest of my heart and I know if he stays, I won’t push him away.
Unable to control the sob that leaves my throat, I collapse on the floor next to my broken laptop.
