Page 75 of Unbearable
He nods once and points to the door. “Sure. Um, I guess I’m just gonna head out.”
“Oh, okay, well, Merry Christmas.” There’s a huge part of me that wants to grab onto him and beg him not to go because I’m so scared if he leaves now there’s no guarantee he will ever come back.
Tyler leans in, almost awkwardly, gently kissing my cheek. He then brings his lips to my ear and gently whispers, “Merry Christmas, Raven. Take care of yourself.” Pulling away just as quickly as he leans in, he heads out the door.
Moving from the door to the front window, I watch him walk to his truck only to see him hesitate once he gets to the driver side door. With his hand on the door to his truck, he looks over toward the house, catching my gaze. Again I can see him struggling, wanting to say something but for some reason he’s stopping himself as he finally gets into the truck and pulls out to leave.
I’m not sure how long I stand there but I know it’s long enough to see his taillights disappear and again I’m left wondering if I’m truly making the right decision. If pushing Tyler away is the right thing to do, surely it shouldn’t hurt so much.
BEFORE I go back to Eugene, I enjoy New Year’s Eve with Lenny and Red at Murphy’s, the only bar I can get into and not be carded. Rawley’s playing and it’s the first time Red’s seen him since the incident at the shop.
They say absolutely nothing to one another. In fact, Red doesn’t even acknowledge him or look in his direction.
We’re seated at a booth in the corner not far from the stage, tension in everyone’s posture. Lenny’s eyes widen when she notices Sophie walk in with a guy. He looks familiar but I can’t place his name. I know it’s someone we went to high school with though. I can already imagine what my brother’s reaction is going to be over this one. In his eyes, despite how he treats Sophie, she’s still his and can’t associate with other guys.
“Who’s that?” Lenny asks, adjusting her black halter top she’s wearing. She keeps fidgeting with it no matter how many times I tell her she looks good. Red thinks so too because his hand, the one securely around her shoulders, like the possessive boyfriend he is, hasn’t moved since we sat down.
I lean into her so she can hear me over the music. “Not sure. I think I remember him, but I can’t think of his name.” We watch as they sit at the bar, nowhere near the stage and I know why she does that. She doesn’t want Rawley to see.
Well, he has pretty good fucking eyesight on that stage because it’s only a matter of time before he notices them.
“Are Rawley and Sophie still messing around?”
Letting my straw fall from my lips, I set my drink down and I roll my eyes. “I’m not sure, probably. They’re always messing around. He can’t let her go and she just keeps going back for more.”
Crap. That sounds vaguely familiar.
My brother is a slut. He’s been that way since high school and it all leads back to Sophie Cunning. Sophie was his first girlfriend in high school but they broke up shortly after spring break senior year. It went downhill from there. He started sleeping with her friends and eventually Berkley, Tyler’s ex.
“This should be interesting,” Red remarks, reaching for his beer on the table. He notices Sophie too.
My gaze darts from Rawley, to Sophie, then back again. You can see it in his motions, the stiffness in his shoulders as he’s standing at the mic, his head twisted to the left as Beck talks to him between songs.
He knows she walked in with someone else.
My attention is on them when Tyler sits down at the table. He’s drunk already and gives me a wink. See. So familiar. At least he didn’t bring a date and he’s sitting across from Red so I don’t have to technically stare at him. Even though I want to.
He looks good. I love that he’s got a beard now. My teeth sink into my lower lip drawing his eyes there. His lips part, a tender sound passing as he lifts his beer to his lips.
Jesus, neither one of us can stop the feelings we have.
Blinking softly, his dark lashes lower, taking a slow drink of his beer. He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in weeks. I know that feeling too.
He and Red talk, words I can’t hear over the music. Lenny and I do the same and I focus my attention on those around us as we play detective and attempt to figure out what happened between Rawley and Sophie that would warrant her bringing someone here. Everyone knows Rawley plays at Murphy’s on New Year’s. It’s not a fluke that she accidently stumbled in here with a date. It’s a statement to him.
Rawley’s good at getting attention on stage so it’s no surprise when he kicks an amp over and everyone looks to the stage, Sophie included. He winks at her and grabs the mic forcefully with his right hand, the opening beats of Buckcherry’s “Sorry” carrying through the bar. He’s not wearing a shirt suddenly either. Probably by design because on his chest is a tattoo that holds meaning to her. It’s her name across his heart. My brother is slightly neurotic. Or maybe a lot.
You don’t hear him sing slower songs often, and maybe that’s why he’s doing it now. He’s got the perfect voice for this song and always resembles Josh Todd when he sings.
Both Lenny and I stare at Sophie and her reaction as Rawley’s rough voice wavers in the dim lit bar. She’s bothered by it, especially the song because for once in his fucking life, he’s actually saying he’s sorry, in a roundabout way.
Sophie blinks slowly, twisting on the stool to face him directly. She loves him, still, and probably always will.
It’s then, listening to my brother pour his heart out on stage, I look to Tyler, who’s intent on me, finding meaning in the song as well. My heart races, my skin prickling with the force of his stare. A jolt of nausea hits me and I swallow. Fire breaks out over my skin, spreading throughout, igniting the thunderous roar of my pounding heart. Placing my hand over my chest, it’s racing, wondering when we will finally get our shit together.
As crazy as it sounds, I’ll never be able to move on from him, if I keep seeing him. It’ll never happen; that’s how much power he has on me.
I stand abruptly and run for the door, needing fresh air. The winter air hits me as soon as the door opens but it offers no relief. None.
