Page 72 of Unbearable
If you ask me to name the one holiday I despise more than all the rest I wouldn’t hesitate when answering, Valentine’s Day. I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. This year though, I would have to say there’s one higher on that list, Christmas.
It’s not that Christmas holds any horrible experiences or memories. Just the opposite actually. This time of year was always a great time in my house. But with my dad being gone and Rawley being a royal fucking shit who refuses to celebrate, it makes it hard to enjoy. It seems this year Christmas serves only one purpose: to remind me my life is like a damn train wreck. I want to close my eyes and wake up after New Year’s.
Oh, and Tyler didn’t exactly make it any easier. Fucker sent me flowers. On Christmas. Nice gesture, huh? Well it was, but unfortunately, it only sent me into tears because damn it, my heart still wants him, still, despite what my head tells me.
After spending the morning with my mom visiting my dad’s grave, and then Nevaeh’s with Nova, Red and Lenny, needless to say I’m a bit emotional.
“Is this hard for you?” I ask Lenny when she steps back away from Nevaeh’s grave and gives Red and Nova a chance to talk to her alone. We’re both crying now.
She considers this for a moment and then shrugs. “No. I mean, she was his first love. And Nova’s mom. As much as I love them and want to be a part of their lives, I’d give anything for them to have never gone through losing her.”
I’m crying and wrap my arm around Lenny’s shoulder. “Jesus, you’re too good to be true.”
She laughs, kissing my cheek. “So, how’s Tyler?”
I side-eye her. “Not awesome. It’s complicated. LikeDa Vinci Codecomplicated.”
Truth is, complicated isn’t even the right word. More like shitstorm.
Christmas dinner helps to take my mind off things, at least for a little while. My Uncle Hendrix and his family, along with my mom’s sisters, come over and for a few hours, we all try to enjoy the holiday and embrace what is our new norm. I’m thankful when I leave and head to Red’s with him, Lenny and Nova because my aunts are staying the week with my mom. I enjoy my aunts in very small doses.
So now here I am, sitting on my brother’s couch enjoying Christmas evening with a five-year-old beside me playing with her tooth because Red and Lenny are fucking in the bedroom. It’s gross. Not them fucking—there’s that too—but I can’t stand people touching their teeth. It’s repulsive.
“Stop playing with that thing. It’s making me sick to my stomach.”
Nova drops her hand from her mouth, letting go of her loose front tooth. “Do you think that if the tooth fairy farts, pixie dust comes out her butt?”
“Probably.” I’m trying to watchChristmas Vacationwith Nova but she’s more interested in asking questions than actually watching it and to be honest, my minds on other things, or people.
I must have missed one of Nova’s million questions because for some reason, she jumps on my lap.
“What are you doing?” she asks, getting in my face and placing both her hands on my cheeks making me look at her.
“I’m thinking.”
“Well don’t.” She grins. “You’re not good at it.”
“I’m in college. I’mgoodat thinking.”
“Is Uncle Ty coming over soon?” Nova pops up off the couch and looks out the window. “I haven’t seen him yet today.”
God, I hope so. Is it wrong that I want him to?
No, what’s wrong is that you want his head between your legs for Christmas.
Groaning, I toss my head back against the couch. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”
“What’s an idiot?” Nova asks, staring at me curiously.
Craning my neck, I hear Red unlock the bedroom door and emerge from the bedroom. “Someone who doesn’t make good decisions.”
She thinks about that for a minute, her tiny forehead scrunched in confusion. “So like Uncle Rawley?”
“Exactly, kid.Exactly.”
Red ruffles my hair. “You staying the night?”
I nod. “Yes. I have no life. Might as well.”
