Page 30 of Unbearable
I laugh out loud at that one and then put my phone away. Right after my classes are done, I head back to Lebanon, pick up take out and show up at Tyler’s apartment to make it up to Wang.
We ignore the food completely.
“Today was torture,” he tells me, his palms cradling my face, his mouth crashing against mine as soon as I’m through the door.
A sense of familiarity seeps into my pores.
Thisis why I keep coming back.
Thisis why I can’t let go.
Maybe that’s why Sophie can’t either. Familiarity with someone intimately can be everything.
Picking me up, he sets me back on the same table he had me laid on this morning. He unbuckles his belt and then his jeans, pushing them down just enough to free himself, gliding his hand from base to tip twice.
So fucking sexy!
“Did you think of me in class today?” With his question, I begin ripping my shirt over my head and working on my jeans. I’m just a little eager.
I nod. “Yes. I couldn’t even pick up my pen today without being reminded of a wrench.”
He seems satisfied with my answer and helps me out of my jeans. “Good. At least I wasn’t the only one losing focus.”
Caught up in him, I watch the movements in his chest, his stomach, the look on his face, always searching.
Holding me captive with his kiss, he enters me. He kisses me deeply, sliding in and out of me as he attempts to keep himself steady holding me against the table with his movements.
He only lasts a minute, maybe two. “You have no fucking idea how sexy you are.” He breathes, slumping against me. His hands and arms shake as he tries to control his breathing.
When he does, he gently picks me up and carries me over to his room where he lies down and pulls me against him. “I don’t think you’re getting any sleep tonight.”
And I don’t. I definitely don’t.
MAYBE IT’S ME trying to fit in, I’m not really sure, but on Thursday, I have the bright idea going to a frat party would be a great way for me to experience college life. I think it’s more my obsessively going over the conversation I had with Sophie the other day that has me wondering if I’m hanging onto something that’s never going to be. Like Tyler actually having feelings for me outside of sex.
With that thinking, I attempt to socialize and go to a party. I hate frat parties. That much is clear when I’m at one and the guy wearing sunglasses next to me can’t stop talking. Why he’s wearing sunglasses is both surprising, and not. He’s a tool so it makes sense.
Surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke, I ask myself what the fuck I’m doing here. It’s mostly because I don’t have friends in college. I mean, I know people and talk to them but I don’t go out of my way to be friendly. Maybe it’s the small town girl in me or maybe it’s just me.
I should have known better to think I could come to a party like this surrounded by idiots and not run into the biggest douche of all.
“Thirsty?” Holden asks, staring down at me and the guy in sunglasses.
I hate that he’s looking at me as if he knows me. He doesn’t know me at all anymore.
I raise the beer in my hand. “Clearly… I’m drinking, aren’t I?”
With a chuckle, he shrugs, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a drink. He gives a nod to the kitchen. “Come with me. I’ll get you something stronger.”
I do, only because he’s probably better company.
Holden gives me a rum and Coke. Or so I thought, but apparently more rum than Coke. The drink is the extent of our interactions that night because mostly, I don’t want anything to do with Holden and if he thought his plan was to get me drunk and hope for something to happen, it’s a shitty plan.
After four drinks and three hours, I sit by myself on the wet grass and stare at my phone in silence. Not complete silence. I’m crying too. I’m not even sure why I’m crying, maybe because I’m alone outside the party and missing Tyler.
And thinking of that conversation the day before I left for college.
“It’s not that I can’t fall in love, it’s that I don’t want to. Yeah, another time, another place, maybe things could’ve been different and believe me, hands down, Raven, it would have been you, but it’s just not who I am. What we have right now, this is all I can give. I’m sorry if that’s not enough”
