Page 18 of Unbearable
Little sisters are off-limits. It’s a bro-code that any good friend would follow.
Too bad I’ve never been good at following the rules. While my head got the message, my dick didn’t. The sex overruled any other thought I could possibly have as to it being wrong. Truth be told, while Red is my best friend and I would do just about anything for him, when it came to this, I just didn’t give a fuck.
Raven fell into my life at a time when everything I thought was true in my life, wasn’t. Everything I thought I knew about relationships and commitment, fucking life in general was a lie. The people I thought I could trust, I couldn’t. With Raven, I had all that. We had it, until we didn’t anymore and I wasn’t sure what it had become besides a mess.
I’ve learned, a lot like diagnosing a car with an oil leak, things are never what they seem at first glance. Girlfriends you thought would always be faithful aren’t. Parents you thought always had your best interest at heart and would always protect you don’t, and your friend with benefits you thought was on the same page, isn’t.
I’m not sure what exactly happened this morning but I think it’s obvious Raven and I are of very different opinions where we should take our relationship from here.
Relationship? Is that what we have?
I guess some would call it that, but not me. No. A committed relationship is the last thing I want and I thought Raven and I both agreed we weren’t headed that way when this whole thing started. It was one of the few rules we agreed on for Christ’s sake.
The thing is, I do love Raven, just not in the way she wants me to. Being Red’s younger sister, she’s been a constant in my life for as long as he has. I care about her and if I was being completely truthful with myself, part of me does love her, but I can say with certainty that I’m notinlovewith her. The extent of my romantic feelings are expressed in the satisfaction of making her scream my name when she comes. At the same time, I care about her enough to never want to hurt her.
I’m not sure I was successful in making her understand my unwillingness to let this arrangement take on a greater meaning has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. After Berkley, I decided I was better off staying away from love and relationships all together. Like I told Raven, it’s not a matter ofcan’t,it’s a matter ofwon’t. Nothing and no one is going to change that, even if she is the first person to make me feel the good and forget the bad all at once.
Staring at the door, the one she just walked out of, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Not with the memories of this place—and her—and how it’s all changing.
Grabbing my keys off the counter, I head to the bar, the one place I know I can at least try to forget what’s happening.
You know when you’ve had someone in your life for a long time and you just sense when they’re around, well that’s how it is with Red and me. I know the moment he steps into the bar, and turning to see him take a seat on the stool next to where I’m standing, it’s obvious he knows. It’s written all over his face.
He shakes his head and licks his lower lip in agitation, turning so his eyes are trained on mine as I stand next to him. There’s a split second when he stands up when I think of running. “You’re fucking my little sister?”
What do I say? No? I can’t lie to him now.
I almost smile at his petulant tone and how dumb I’ve been, but while I may be dumb, I’m not stupid enough to do that. Utter silence expands between us. Until I clear my throat. “Look, Red—”
Scowling and muttering under his breath, Red draws back and punches me. Right in the fucking jaw and it stings like a motherfucker.
Running my hand over my throbbing jaw, I wonder briefly if he’s done some damage and then realize he hasn’t, but my pride is certainly wounded.
I glare at him. Though I know I deserved that, it still stings a little more to be hit by my friend.
Shaking my head, I step back. “Message received, I suppose.”
I stand there staring at him, gauging when his anger begins to dissipate and he nods to the bar. “Sit. Down.”
I do as he says, mostly because I don’t want him to hit me again.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Man, I’m sorry. But we’re adults and I didn’t really see the need to ask for your permission. And dude, you’re scary.” I rub my jaw, a reminder.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he grumbles, raising an eyebrow. “Why did you guys have to go behind my back?”
I think about my answer for a second and then ask, “What was I going to say? Your sister and I decided to be friends who fuck? That’s not really a conversation either of us was willing to have with you.”
Zack comes by, eyes the two of us and then slides two beers our way.
“Well, did you think for even a minute that by not telling me you made it worse?” Red asks when Zack disappears to the other side of the bar.
“Look,” I twist slightly in the stool to face him. “I get that you’re upset that we didn’t tell you but you know me. I’d never hurt her or use her. So yeah, you can be pissed that we didn’t tell you what we were doing, but honestly, I don’t think you have any right to be mad at either of us for being two consenting adults who enjoy each other’s company.”
Taking a slow drink of his beer, he slams the glass down pointing out the obvious. “I’m pissed because you’re six years older than her.”
“Yeah, but she’s not a little girl anymore and you can’t be stupid enough to think this is her first rodeo. She was with Holden for four fucking years.”
