Page 98 of The Only Thing That's Real
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chapter Fifty
Knox
Ryan
Unless you count Sugar, I’ve never had a pet. I think I want a dog.
Ryan
I miss you.
Knox
I still have my favorite stuffed animal from childhood hidden at the cabin.
Knox
I’m telling the guys about Sawyer today.
Knox
Imiss you more.
“Well, we settled the issue with Braun. He took the payout and signed an NDA,” Trevor announces.
We’re having a team meeting in his suite. It’s just the five of us at the large dining table. No film crew, no families. Like the old days.
I lean forward, clasping my hands in front of me on the table. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry for the chaos. However, I’m not sorry for protecting Ryan. Even though it’s obvious now he wasn’t planning to hurt her. He wanted my attention, and he fucking got it.”
“It’s all good. He’s a prick. We would have done the same if we’d seen him forcing himself on any of the girls,” Sean assures me. “We’re good, brother.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Did he fight you on the NDA?” Jay asks Trevor.
“Nope. The fucker knew it was coming. Seemed worth it to him. I swear he got some sick pleasure from sending this one into a rage.” He hikes his thumb in my direction.
“Let’s face it. He’s got it bad for McKinnon. It’s the hair,” Matt speaks up and I flip him off. “Fucking us over a decade ago wasn’t enough for him. He wanted your music then and now he wants your girl, or at least to rub it in your face that he had her first. He wants what he thinks is your perfect life.”
The mention of him with Ryan makes me sick to my stomach. “My life is far from perfect.”
“Do tell,” Shawn says, his face soft and open as though he’s been waiting for this moment.
I glance at Trevor, and he nods in encouragement. He’sright. It’s time. I should have told them ages ago. They deserve to know.
I drop my head into my hands, afraid to meet their eyes. The room is silent. My friends give me the space to breathe and speak when I’m ready.
It takes me longer than it should to form the words, but once I do, I don’t stop. I start with the call from Mia and Angus and my reaction to the news. We talk about the five minutes in the bathroom at the Grammy after-party that I’d forgotten about until the call. I confess I was too ashamed to tell the best dads I know that I have a kid of my own, but his mother didn’t want anyone to know I’m the father. I admit that my kid brother will likely be Sawyer’s primary father figure, and the situation seemed too fucked up to share. I tell them about our call the night I kicked Ryan off the bus.
Then I fill them in on the events of last week and what it was like to meet Sawyer for real. How it felt equally heartbreaking and beautiful. That he was perfect, and I was pretty sure I was moving back to our hometown.
They spoke up here and there during my story. They were pissed at Mia for keeping my son from me, although somewhat understanding where she was coming from. However, nobody took her side. They were supportive and tried to be positive, but they couldn’t hide the sadness in their eyes when I spoke about the two and a half years I had lost. Mostly, they seemed dumbstruck and not sure what the hell to say, so they let me ramble.
But there was something else I needed to get off my chest. Something that had been on my mind for years and I didn’t know how to explain it without sounding like a child, but they deserved an apology.
Standing, I paced back and forth a couple of times before stopping at the head of the table. “Listen, I know I’ve been shitty to all of you. The last few years, I haven’t made it easy to be my friend. For that, I am more sorry than you’ll ever know.”
