Page 107 of The Only Thing That's Real
My fingers draw circles through the light dusting of haircovering his chest. “You want me to stay with you at the cabin?”
My fight or flight anxiety threatens to make an appearance, but the usual overwhelming need to run doesn’t kick in. Instead, my mind races as I wait for him to repeat himself, wanting more than anything to hide away at the lake with him forever. But I also know I’m not right for him. His desire for a family. To be a father. I won’t let him sacrifice all of that to be with me. Even if I’ve never wanted to settle down with someone the way I do with him.
“No. I want you tolivewith me at the cabin.”
It sounds much more permanent the way he says it.
“Living together is much different than being on tour together.”
“I can’t wait to find out all the ways it is.”
“Knox, I can’t just live in your house rent-free.”
“Sure you can.”
“That’s not who I am.”
“Babe, I paid for the house the day I moved in. It sits empty most of the time. It’s usually only occupied by friends or family a few times a year. I want to change that.”
Sitting up, I cover myself with the duvet, needing to look him in the eyes for this conversation. “What’s your plan? You seem to have given this some thought, so hit me with it.”
He smiles, trying to tug the duvet down, but I hold on tight. “Well, for the first few months I don’t plan to do much more than relax, spend time with Sawyer, and fuck you until you can’t see straight. I need a break from the constant go of the tour. After that, I’m not sure. I’ve got a few business ventures I’ve been waiting for the right time to explore, so I’ll see what happens there.” He sits up, his face only a fewinches from mine. “I know I want to travel the world and be a good dad, and I’d like to do all of that with you.” He presses a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.
“You don’t think this is all too fast?” I ask against his lips.
Throwing himself back down on his pillow, he rests his hand over his heart. “As you keep reminding me, I’m no spring chicken. You’re who I’ve been waiting for, and I don’t want to waste another second not exploring all the ups and downs of life with you.”
I don’t realize my mouth is hanging open until his forefinger is under my chin, gently pressing it closed. I’m completely gobsmacked by the implication of his words. He wants to share his life with me. In Goose Hollow. A place I said I’d never return.
Undeterred by my silence, he continues. “Tell me your plans and let’s figure out how what I want and what you want can come together.”
He’s not gonna let me say no and I’m not sure I want to.
“Well, I have a bit of a cushion financially. So, I was finally going to take a stab at writing a novel.”
“That’s awesome, baby. I’m excited for you.”
“Thanks, but I’m scared to death.”
“Why?”
“What if it’s awful?”
“It won’t be.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“You think you can write that book in Goose Hollow?”
Again, he’s right back to the heart of the matter.
“Truthfully, if you had asked me a few months ago, I would have said no. I had no desire to go back. To be that close to my parents. But after spending time with Becks andbeing there with you, it’s different. All the good memories I had buried came flooding back. If it weren’t for the shitty family dynamic, I would move there in a heartbeat.”
“I’ve got your back, Ry.”
“I know you do. And if I’m being honest, your porch swing may be my new favorite place to be. The hours I spent on your front porch inspired a new book idea. I may or may not have outlined the whole thing already.”
“See, you got this!” he says, his voice full of sincerity and excitement. I wish I had the faith in myself that he has in me. “You know you want to write that great American novel at the cabin.” He smiles up at me where I still sit with my back against the headboard.
