Page 97 of The Only Heart that Matters
Stretching myself awake, flashes of last night play like a movie on my still closed eyelids. After rushing to my room to get protection, we made love all night. Well, not all night long.
Shortly after midnight, Sawyer woke after a leaky diaper left him wet and uncomfortable. Mia, in my T-shirt, and I, in my sweatpants, worked in tandem as she changed and cleaned him, and I changed the sheets. His fire truck bed is cute and all, but damn if it being so low to the ground doesn’t kill the back and knees when making it.
Sawyer went back to bed easily and was fast asleep two seconds after his mama laid him down. That wasn’t the case for the two of us.
We had worked up quite an appetite and needed a snack. Over the last week, we discovered our mutual love for peanut butter, so we grabbed the jar and two spoons and dug in for some much-needed protein to get us through the night.
Once we were back in bed, I put her right where she belonged, in my arms.
Spooning her, holding on tight so she didn’t slip away, I whispered into her hair, “We make a pretty good team.”
Her body tensed as she fidgeted. Disappointed by her reaction, but not surprised, I lightly squeezed her back to my front even tighter, not letting her out of my grasp. I didn’t let her distract me from what I had to do before things went any further.
“Shh.... You know it’s true.” This time, I kissed her head.
“Angus—”
“I don’t want to hear the reasons we can’t be together. I don’t care about your secrets. And I don’t care what Daisy or the rest of the family think. Shit, Daisy already knows this is much more than a fake relationship. You and I belong together, Mia. You know it. I know it. So, let’s get over our shit and do what makes us happy. What do you say?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack.”
She shifted in the bed to turn toward me, so I released my hold on her. Her eyes were glossy, yet she somehow looked elated that I wanted to be with her, scared shitless at the same time. She didn’t speak, instead taking me in as if waiting for me to drop the other shoe. And damnit if that wasn’t what I did next.
I told her about that day in Afghanistan. About the mission the five of us were given to secure a high value target who had been supplying weapons that were being used against not only us, but also the civilians in the region.
As hard as it was, I recounted the worst day of my life. I explained how we gained entry into the compound, and how Chris took a bullet to the leg as soon as we did. Instinct told me to rush to my best friend, but my training kicked in, reminding me that the medic was right behind me and better equipped forthe job. I continued as planned around the walls of the enclosure we had been studying for the last week. I let the rage consuming me after watching my brother in arms fall wounded fuel my determination to not only hit our target, but to make sure the asshole on the other end of the gun never saw another sunrise.
Seeing red, I ordered the other three into positions where they were protected by what little shelter we could find while I ran into a barrage of gunfire. I didn’t stop firing until the shooter was dead, along with the supplier we were sent there for.
There was no need to go into much more detail. When I was awarded the CMH, the story of what happened on the mission became public knowledge. She knows I was shot in three places that day. Her fingertips have traced my scars, her lips have kissed them. According to the Army, I sacrificed myself to protect my fellow Marines and take down one of the biggest weapons suppliers in the war.
Nowhere does it say I chose the mission over my best friend. Over Mia’s brother. But I tellherall of that.
That by the time I got back to him, it was too late. Little did I know, but Doc had taken a bullet to his arm. Both he and Chris were bleeding out. Chris was fighting to stay conscious, but he made me promise to take care of his sister. It was the easiest promise I ever made, but the last one I ever wanted to make. Richards and Cano carried Doc. I had Chris, and Nibbs carried our shit as we made the mile long trek to our evac team. They worked on Chris in our rescue vehicle all the way back to base, but he had already lost too much blood. The citation doesn’t say that I held him as he took his last breath. That they had to pull him from my arms because I refused to let him go.
Swiping a tear from her cheek, I continue. “Goof, when I promised your brother I would take care of you, I don’t think this,” I motioned between our naked bodies, “was what he meant. But I need you to know I would have taken care of youwith or without my promise to him. Deep down, Chris knew how I felt about you. We didn’t discuss it, but he knew. There wasn’t anything about me he didn’t know. He saw the way I looked at you.”
She scooted closer to me, caressing my face with her hands.
“I need you to know my role in Chris’s death before we go any further. You deserve the truth, not the bullshit the president read the day he put that medal I never wanted around my neck. You deserve the choice to be with a man who could have saved your brother but chose not to.”
I waited for her to pull away.
Ask me to leave.
Anything but to lean forward and kiss me. To tell me it wasn’t my fault, as she wrapped her naked body around mine.
At first, I wasn’t sure she understood what I’d said. “Mia, did you hear me? I left him there.”
“I heard you.” She pressed her lips above my heart. “You were doing your job. It wasn’t your fault.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Angus, you can’t change what happened that day. I’m heartbroken that I lost my brother. My life will never be the same. Butyoucame home.” Another kiss against my chest, where my heart is begging for her to listen to me. To understand that my action, or lack thereof, caused her heartbreak. But to no avail. “I’m glad you came home.”
Her words confused me.
