Page 47 of Only When We Fall
“Look at you,” she says, with a slight smile. “And look at me. I bet half the girls here tonight are wondering what the hell you’re doing here with me.”
I hate how down she is on herself. I wonder how much that has to do with me and my ex-friends from back home. “Em, you’re fucking amazing,” I say firmly. “You’re worth ten of every single girl in here. You don’t even notice the way guys look your way. It takes everything I have not to start punching random dudes for staring at my girl.” A blush creeps over her cheeks. “I love you, Em, and I only have eyes for you.” I kiss her until I’m satisfied every female in here has witnessed it, and when I pull back, Emmie is breathless.
She giggles. “I love you too.” The words roll from her mouth so effortlessly, much like they did from me, and I wonder if she feels their impact in the same way I do.I wrap my arms around her, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. “We’re staying for another half hour and then we need to make our excuses and leave, it’s been far too long since we’ve been naked together.”
We’re halfway through our drinks when someone says Zara’s name.
“Oh my God,” she breathes, eyes widening as she turns to Seb. “I signed up when I was drunk last week. I thought they forgot.”
“They didn’t,” Seb says, clearly trying not to laugh.
Zara’s already gone pale, but she stands. “Well. Guess I’m doing this.”
I watch her walk up, shoulders back, chin tilted like she’s daring someone to laugh. But I can tell from the way she twists the paper in her hand that she’s nervous.
The room quiets, and Zara steps up to the mic. She takes a breath then clears her throat.
“Erm, this is called, Twenty-something.”
No one told me being twenty-something
would feel like being a half-written sentence
–too long to be young, too short to be grown.
I pay bills with shaky hands
and make dinner from freezer food and impulse.
I smile like I have it together,
but sometimes I cry myself to sleep
missing the safety of my childhood
the world feels too loud.
I fall in love with people who text back late,
and dream about cities I’ve never seen,
and wonder if my parents felt this lost too
–or if they were faking it just as well.
I’m not who I thought I’d be by now.
But maybe that’s okay.
Maybe being unfinished
is what makes me real.
There’s a moment after where no one claps. The kind of silence that means people felt it.
Then the room erupts.
Even Seb looks stunned. Emmie is beaming, and I catch myself smiling too. Not the polite kind, but the full-body kind, the kind that happens when someone surprises you in the best way.
