Page 25 of Only When We Fall
My mouth twists. “Congratulations. You got me.” He flinches. His eyes brim with shame. “Did it feel as good as you imagined?”
“The part where it was just us? Yeah. A hundred percent. Because that’s how it always is, Em. When it’s just the two of us, everything feels right.”
Tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them back. “So, you didn’t take the dare. But you completed it anyway. Funny how that doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“I can’t take any of it back. Not the dare. Not that night. But I can try to make things right now. You left so quickly, I didn’t get a chance to tell you the truth. I tried calling. You ignored me.”
“Iblockedyou.”
“And your mum warned me to stay away.”
“Because I finally told her what you did.”
“And Ava,” he swallows hard. “She wouldn’t even look at me.”
“Do you blame her?” My voice softens, but only slightly. “She thought you were different. A good guy. That you were finally becoming someone decent.”
“I was trying,” he says quietly. “If I could take it back –”
“Well, you can’t.”
“So, tell me how I fix it, Emmie,” he says, his voice breaking slightly. “Because living without you, it’s hell. And now you’re here, right in front of me – it has to mean something. It feels like fate, or . . . I don’t know, a second chance.”
I let out a hollow laugh, shaking my head. “Fate? Is that what we’re calling it now? You screw me over, forcing me to leave so I don’t have to listen to the gossip, and when I finally start breathing again, you show up talking about destiny?” I leanback, folding my arms. “Maybe fate brought me here to finally tell you I’m done.”
For a moment, he doesn’t say anything, just stares at me like I’ve knocked the air out of his lungs. His jaw clenches, then loosens. His fingers twitch on the table, as if he wants to reach for me again but thinks better of it. “Don’t say that,” he says finally, voice low. “You don’t mean it.”
I arch a brow. “Don’t I?”
His eyes search mine, desperate, as if there’s still a version of us he can pull back from the fire. “I think about you every day,” he says quietly. “Every damn day. I see your face when I’m trying to sleep, hear your laugh in random places. It’s torture.”
“Did you think about me last night, Kai?” I ask and his brow furrows. “My housemate does art,” I add, and I see the pieces begin to fit together in his head. “Naked women. Orgies. Ring any bells?”
“I left,” he snaps.
“Right before or after you kissed your muse?” His jaw tightens. “After,” he says, voice low. At least he didn’t lie. A tiny breath escapes me, uninvited pain slipping through the cracks of my anger. “Because right there, in that moment, you crept into my head again. As you always seem to do, Em. Reminding me that you’re everything I want.”
I swallow hard, but I keep my arms folded. I can’t afford to let his words in. Not yet. Maybe not ever. “You should’ve thought about that before you made me into a laughing stock,” I say.
“I know I don’t deserve you,” he says finally. “But I still want to try. Even if it’s just one more conversation. One more chance to be better.”
I exhale slowly. My heart aches, but I keep my face unreadable. “Then stop trying to win me back with fate and feelings, Kai. Start by telling the truth. All of it.”
Kai
Truth. I watch as she walks out, not even bothering to look back. And then I pull out my mobile phone and open up a new text to her. If truth is what she wants, she can have them all.
Me: Truth 1. When I was nine, I stole half a birthday cake from the kitchen and blamed it on our cat. She got banned from the house for two weeks. I still feel guilty when I see her.
I watch through the window as she pauses and takes out her phone. She reads the message, and I think I see the hint of a smile pull at her lips before she tucks it away again and continues across campus.
By the time I get back to the flat, Seb is eating toast and looking as fresh as a daisy. “Where the hell did you go so early? I thought you were in bed.”
“Trust me, I feel like death. What the fuck was in that bottle last night?”
He grins. “Homemade vodka. Some kids pay for that shit.”
“So I missed an eventful night?”
