I picture Vale and me back at that cabin. The two of us in bed. Coming up from under water and seeing his face, smiling at me, shining in the sunlight like a fucking angel. Every spot on his body that I kissed. Telling him that he’s just got to hold on for a few more weeks. That I’m almost ready. I think about how hard he’s got my back. How much he wants me to have everything I could possibly dream of. I can’t say the same for the guy sitting next to me.
Barrera’s eyes go into a glare as he lets out a huff and a “Good.”
“So, we’re done here?”
“For now.”
He stands up and starts walking to the door. And he doesn’t even look back at me when he tells me, “It’s for your own good, Piña. I’m hard on you because I do care. I promise. And because I’ve only got a couple more games until I’m handing off this team to someone, and we all know that, even if you aren’t captain next season, you are the future of this squad.”
A few months ago, that would’ve meant the whole world, hearing Barrera say that. Now, I can only hear the threat behind it. The way those words taste like shit on his tongue.
“Show me that you understand what that means, little bro, or else I’ll find someone else to be that future. Because if there’s anything I want you to take away from this conversation, it’s that this team existed before you. It’ll still exist, if it has to, without you.”
I watch as the doors to our locker room close, and then wait until I hear the next set of doors shut with a loud slam before grabbing my phone out of my drawstring bag and rushing into my texts.
I need to see you right now.
Leaving the shop and heading over, Vale says before sending a row of three blue hearts.
“Are you sure?” Vale asked as I lifted his shirt up, kissing my way from his belly button up to his chest, pulling the shirt farther, trying to take it off.
“Ahmed’s gone; you saw Nguyen and Pérez are busy downstairs watching anime.” And, being a true bro, Pérez made sure to turn the TV up, just in case. “I need you. Please.”
I had to get Barrera out of my head. At least, for a while. Prove to myself that he doesn’t rule my life. That those chains are just for show. And looking into Vale’s eyes as I fold him in half and rearrange his guts helps. A lot. Lying down together afterward, Vale on top of me like I’m his personal body pillow and my fingers tracing his skin, that helps even more.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his head resting on my chest.
I stay quiet a moment, wanting to focus only on how good this feels. To remember that, no matter what, I have him.
“I— Barrera talked to me today. He asked about me about us.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I denied everything. He’s losing his cool. And he thinks he’s losing control of the team, and sees me as the person he’s got the least control over. So I … I made a deal with him to get him off my back. Off our backs.”
“And?”
I take a deep breath in, closing my eyes, wrapping my arms as best I can around Vale and giving him a squeeze. I’m angry at Barrera. At myself because maybe there’s a world where I told him exactly who I am and what I’ve been up to. That he’s notwrong about any of his assumptions. And that he’s not going to drag me off the pitch without a fight.
But I did it because I need to survive. I need to keep Vale as far away from my captain as I can. I need to just get us through the next few weeks.
“I’ve got to take my jacket back. And you can’t be at my game this weekend. I’m sorry. I should’ve … it’s so stupid, and I want you there so bad, I—”
“Hey,” Vale says, pulling away from me so he can pick himself up, stradding me. His hand comes to my face, his thumb grazing my cheek as he looks at me. “It’s okay. I promise.”
“It’s not, though,” I huff, my face looking directly up to the ceiling. Vale grabs my hand closest to him and starts massaging my palm. “I really wanted you to be there. But I … he’s ready to bench me. I can tell he’s looking for any little reason to get Coach to take me away from the goalpost.”
“Then don’t give him one. Don’t let him get in your way more than he already has.”
He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses that palm he’s been rubbing. I move it to the back of his neck, pulling him toward me, kissing his lips first and then down his neck, careful not to leave another hickey there. I inhale that sweet cologne of his that’s now mixed with both of our sweat. Reminding myself again:Barrera hasn’t taken him away from me yet.
“You’re way too perfect, you know that?”
Vale goes back to lying on top of me, his head over my heart. I like this position a lot. It always reminds me of the first time we were at the park, me teaching him some football basics. Landing on the grass and dirt. Wanting so much to know what it could feel like to fall in love with him. And now I do. I know what it is to spend hours talking with him while we lie down like this.What it feels like for him to fall asleep on me like this. To wake up with him still on top of me.
“Gabi, I—don’t devalue yourself, okay? So many people could never imagine having to be in your shoes. And so many are and are going to look up to you so fiercely because they’ll know their dreams aren’t unattainable.”
“Why does it have to be me, though? Why do I have to be the first?”
