He turns his head and gives me a glare, and then a smile. His arm goes around my back and over my shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know. Oh, but, that girl you were talking to at the beginning of the year. I forget her name.”
“Leana.”
“Yeah. Leana. I’m kind of talking to one of her pledge sisters.”
“And that’s whyIhaven’t seen much ofyouaround the house?”
He laughs, relaxing his arm and patting the middle of my back. He’s got that curved smile and brows that are telling me,Yeah. That’s exactly right, as he brings a Jarritos up to his mouth and takes a swig.
“Okay, whatever. I’m the problem here. But, also, that entire sorority is something else, right? All tens. Saw her at their ABC party, danced a little, all of a sudden she’s like, ‘Want to hang out after?’ and I’m like, ‘Say less.’ Next thing I know we’re textingall the time, I’m waking up in her bed, she’s inviting me to date dashes. I didn’t even know what a date dash was. Now she’s talking about coming to our next home game.”
Sounds like I wasn’t the only player who ended up having a really good night after the ABC party.
“Good for you, bro,” I tell him while bringing my phone up when it vibrates for a second, immediately smiling at the screen.
Hate how you just standing there has got me thinking some thoughts that will actually keep me from ever seeing heaven.
“Yeah, and I—dang, Piña, who got you smiling like that?” Ahmed asks, catching me looking all goofy and thinking some thoughts of my own. “Oh shit.Baby?And the heart emoji, bro? My boy is down bad. Who is she? I’m here talking about me, and you’ve got a girl of your own that you’re already on ababyand heart emoji level with!”
“It—” I look around, catching a few teammates eyeing us as Ahmed shakes my shoulders and gasses me up, wanting to get in on the chisme session. Kat looks like they’re trying to figure out how to rescue me. I can’t turn all the way to Vale and Pérez. If I see him right now, I know my eyes are going to give away what’s happening. “Just trying to keep it quiet for now, bro.”
“Why? Is the blue heart because she’s in the sorority with the blue shirts? Or—dude, is it one of Leana’s pledge sisters too? Going for someone in her close circle like that so you got to date in secret otherwise her sis would be betraying Girl Code?”
Definitelysomething like that.
“I … nah. Nothing like that. And you’ve got to stop watching those terrible Netflix shows. Putting ideas in your head.”
“But you’re into her, huh?”
I finally force myself to turn my head more, catching an empty table. I want to run off so badly. To go find Vale. To makesure he didn’t leave. Or to at least make sure Pérez has got him. To convince him that I’m all in with him, even if, right now, it’s obvious that’s a lie.
I want to run off because I’m getting tired of the sport I love making me lie about a person I could easily fall in love with. That I might quickly be falling in love with. Or maybe I’ve been falling in love with him for a while. Ever since that first kiss. Or that half an hour on the beach, or talking about caves and listening to him talk about comics, or handing him my jacket at one of my games.
“I am. Yeah. I’m very into her.”
I’m sorry.
I’m arguing with myself over adding more. I’m sorry for not going after you. I’m sorry for not FaceTiming you as soon as I could. I’m sorry I just took Pérez at his word instead of checking on you myself. And I’m sorry it took me so long to finally tell you anything.
I’m sorry for all the times we’re not going to have control over our relationship.
I send a blue heart emoji too. Because I want Vale to know that’s for him and no one else. If an emoji makes me down bad, then I am 1000 percent down bad for him.
And I wait. I sit on my bed, tapping my phone every time it goes dark, thinking maybe he texted me back and I didn’t get the notification. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. And, finally, the ellipsis bubble shows up.
I know.
And, a minute later, a blue heart emoji.
25
VALE AND I AREa couple hours into studying in my room, him on my bed and me at my desk, wishing I was closer to him, touching him, but we already tried that earlier today and—especially because we had a solid half hour without any of my roommates in the house—ended up with our clothes on the floor and me finding out what frotting is (Big fan.Huge).
Now I’m banished, only getting to shamelessly watch my boyfriend read and smile at the way his eyes squint when he hits a point he doesn’t agree with or how he’ll let out a loud sigh when he’s reread some paragraph three or four times and is still having trouble following. And, when I’m not doing that, I’m putting my calculator to work and drawing graphs that Vale says give him a headache just looking at.
“Wild you can justdo that,” he tells me. I turn around and see him looking my way. “You make it look so easy.”
I give him a small smirk, looking back at my work. “Once you figure out the formula, it’s pretty black and white. This iseasy stuff compared to finding the right words to say in an essay. Metaphors and similes?That’swild. So don’t think you’re going to stop being my tutor after this semester ends. I’m going to take advantage of that English major next.”
