“Hey, Leana,” I start, my hands going up to her arms, at the crease of her elbow. “It’s okay. I promise. Alright?”
I know that my voice is only half convincing at best. That my eyes might be red and moist like hers. What I had in mind for how tonight ends and what the reality is turning out to be is something that’s hard to understand right now, but, “I’ll be okay. I—I might need some time before I’m looking forward to a morning run with you, but I’m glad you’re doing what you want to do. That you were up-front with me. For real.”
She lets out a long sigh and nods, dropping her hands from my neck. “I should probably get off you, huh? Honestly, I shouldn’t have even—”
“No,”I let out. “I’m glad you did. I … I’m glad I got this one last time. Today was great, at least for me.”
“It was great for me too.”
“Good. But, yeah, probably should make some space now. Also, Vale’s the only reason I’m going to get anywhere close to a B in Philosophy, so I’m not letting him go.”
“Don’t,” she says with a genuineness in her smile. “Y’all are—I’m glad you’re friends. And I … you really are one in a million, Pineapple.Gabi.I promise not to be too jealous of whoever gets your attention next.”
“Yeah, definitely.” I clear my throat. We move so we’re both sitting on the tailgate, and I focus on my feet swinging in the air. Feeling a little stupid for how deep I let myself get in, what, three weeks? Realizing all the daydreams I’ve got to let go of now.
“I know it doesn’t make things better, but I want to say I’m sorry again. And I’m not about to be that person who goes into how hurt they are too, because I’m the one doing the hurting right now, but … you really made this move and starting college a lot easier for me. I’m always going to be thankful for you, Gabi. And whether or not we end up on some kind of terms that look like friends, whether or not we ever go back to morning runs that fully start and stop at runs, I’ve got you, if you ever need me. In a strictly nonromantic, not sexual way.”
I nod, hands that were holding her just a minute ago clenching my thighs now. And then I manage to bring my eyes back up to her, forcing the smallest of smiles as I speak the truth, as hurt as I am right now: “I’ll always be thankful for you too.”
“Here you go, Gabi,” Kat tells me, holding out a bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola. They wait until I’ve grabbed it before falling down next to me, their head dropping on my shoulder. Pérez is on my other side, his arm wrapped around me and hand playing with Kat’s hair.
“You know, we’ve still got time if you want to change into something real quick and head out to the Eta Tau party tonight. Have some fun. Dance. Drink. Move on from her,” Pérez says.
“She’s joining Eta Tau. She’ll be there.”
Not that I have a problem seeing her or running into her. But shejustbroke up with me twenty minutes ago. Well, not broke up. We weren’t together. It was more of anFYI: there’s no chance of a relationship beginning that involves her.
And I’m man enough to admit that it’d be awkward as fuck being in the same place as her right now. The last thing I need is to see her dancing with some guy. Laughing at his jokes. Yeah, I could maybe rationalize that this hypothetical guy doesn’t have a chance either, but, in the moment, I’d just kill the mood for myself and all my friends.
Pérez’s hand goes from Kat’s head to mine, patting it a few times. “If you don’t feel like being alone tonight, I can bail. I don’t mind. I’ll go upstairs and get my PlayStation and we’ll play some Injustice, but Kat can’t be Harley Quinn because they cheat.”
“You’re just mad I’m better.”
“Nah,” I answer, leaning forward and resting my arms on my thighs. “Y’all go. Have fun.Please.I’m going to be fine. It’s been a long couple of days. I could use an early night.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, Pérez.I promise. Take a shot of tequila for me. And call me if you need a ride back here, alright?”
I watch as the two of them leave, Ahmed going out the door a few minutes later (after giving me a hug and offering to skip too). Our place is quiet without my boys here. At least, I’m pretty sure Nguyen isn’t here. I drop a fork and, swear, it echoes all the way up to Ahmed’s and my rooms on the third floor and then all the way back down. It’d be great if I was actually tired. I could go to bed without worrying about any of them rushing into my room asking for help with their algebra homework or needing me to back them on some debate about which La Liga team is better. Maybe I could text someone else on the squad. See what Barrera’s doing. There’s no way they’re all at the same party.
I’m typing a sadWhat’s up?text when I get a message from not-Barrera.
You doing okay?
She told you?
Comes with the job as her bestie, Vale texts back.You didn’t answer the question.
I’m okay.
Not even five seconds pass after I send that before Vale’s trying to FaceTime.
“I didn’t believe you,” he says, “Or, more like, I wanted to tell you that it’s okay to feel a type of way, in case you’re trying to be a strong, emotionless man about this. You’re allowed to.”
“I know. I—where are you?”
“The shop. Finishing some restock.” He switches to the back camera for a second and walks out from their stockroom into the main part of the store I recognize. “Anyway, yeah, I just needed to say that. Also that—and if you tell her this I’ll deny it—I think she’s a pendeja for what she did.”
