Page 17 of The Beach Holiday
‘No, we haven’t met.’ There was no interaction from Lola. She seemed young and was clearly obsessed with Avril.
‘I promise, I’m all yours tomorrow,’ Avril said. ‘It’s been a bit of a weird day.’
I nodded. ‘Of course.’
‘Good,’ she replied. ‘You’re not going anywhere?’
‘No.’
‘Good.’ Avril winked and walked away. Lola slipped down her body and into her arms. The two kissed passionately before disappearing into their cabin.
That night in my own hut, Clara and I sat up in our beds, legs crossed like we were at a pyjama party.
‘So, you came from England?’
‘Yes, I worked on the mainland first, selling chocolate, and I met Avril in a café and she asked me to come with her.’
‘And so you did? Just like that?’
‘I did,’ I said. ‘And you? How did you find this place? How did all these women find this place?’
‘I was in Australia. I met Avril there. She was looking for more women to join the commune and so we came.’
‘We?’
Clara looked down at her hands and squeezed them. ‘I came with someone, but she left.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, you seem sad about that.’
‘She was my best friend.’ Clara looked up, her eyes sparkling with tears. She waved her hand. ‘Anyway, that was last year. I have you now.’ She smiled.
I listened to the soft sounds of Clara sleeping, thankful I hadn’t been lumbered with a real snorer. I was on the ledge of consciousness, about to fall into the valley of sleep, when the image of the man from the clearing came at me. I gasped and opened my eyes. Clara stirred but didn’t wake. I couldn’t unsee that look. It hadn’t been hopelessness; it was pure defeat. It was the look of someone who knew there was no escape. I fell asleep unable to shake the image of the sadness that his expression had carried.
12
NOW
I wake up sweating. It is not a pleasant experience and so I shower straight away. Once I am dressed in a simple summer dress, I step outside. In a few strides, I arrive at the bench.
My bench. Jane is already waiting for me, and I begin to feel my heart lift and swell a little. I have felt despondent the last few days since my last meeting with Dr Bhaduri. There are things I was sure I was supposed to tell him, but I just didn’t know where to start. The words are so muddled in my mind that the images swim and dart around like skittish tadpoles. Maybe I should try and speak to Jane about them instead? She has told me so much about herself already in such a short time, which is nice. I really appreciate her warmth and kindness. It is exactly what I need. I feel safe with Dr Bhaduri yet that moment I had at our last meeting has shaken me a little. But our meets are a necessity from his perspective and so I must continue to go.
I slide onto the bench next to her and she gives me a full smile.
‘Good morning, Sadie. How are you today?’
‘I’m well. A little hot,’ I say as I shift about trying to arrange the dress so my legs don’t stick to the bench.
Jane pours the coffee as she always does.
The coffee is tasty and exactly how I would make it for myself, although I can’t remember the last time I made one. So it’s nice that someone has thought about me and made one for me.
We don’t see many people from this bench when we sit here. We have a view of a large plain of grass and beyond that a river that disappears between some trees. The cow field is to the right, but they aren’t in it today. I wonder where they might be. My surroundings make me melancholic, like I am yearning for something, but I am not sure what. Maybe I will mention it to Jane and see if she ever gets those feelings. But I like how we can just sit. In silence for much of the time. I’m not bothered by the silence. I don’t feel the need to fill the gaps with small talk.
Jane tops my coffee up again and offers me a biscuit, but I decline.
‘I have a bit of dilemma I’m battling with today,’ Jane begins. It’s not unusual for her to talk this way; she usually has a lot going on in her life. Unlike mine, which appears relatively calm to everyone else; except in my own head things are a little busier.
‘Oh?’ I say. I’m never really sure what to say to people these days. I would be happy staying silent if the truth be told but people tend to look at me funny when I do that. So I try and say the right thing. I’m not sure if I get it right all the time though.
