‘I think you’ve got the wrong room,’ she typed.
‘Go on … ’
She took the bottom off the nurse’s uniform of the bear, sent a picture of the bear’s arse, turned off her phone and, to her own surprise, fell asleep.
She was super-nice that weekend in case Sofia suspected she’d fallen out with Skylar.
‘I should take the kids on a Christmas trip, don’t you think?’ she said when the children were still upstairs.
‘Ooh, that’s a good idea,’ said Sofia. ‘There’s a lovely illuminated walk through the botanical gardens and they can learn all about the plants.’
‘I was thinking of maybe Edinburgh’s Christmas—’
The entire room froze. Even the radio, which was playing Mariah Carey, seemed to fade away into quiet. Sofia and Skylar exchanged appalled glances.
Edinburgh’s Christmas was the huge fair that took over the whole of Princes Street Gardens in the centre of the city, as well as St Andrew’s Square, George Street, Castle Street … it seemed to get its tentacles everywhere. Locals complained vociferously that it was too loud, too big, too expensive, too popular. What they meant, Carmen suspected (she rather liked seeing the lights flashing and smelling the popcorn and candyfloss and hearing the screams when she came home from work), wastoo vulgar.
For a moment, there was nothing, and Sofia and Skylar breathed a sigh of relief. Then, there were pounding footsteps on the stairs.
‘Amazing,’ said Sofia. ‘They never hear me screaming my lungs out when it’s time to put their shoes on.’
‘ARE WE GOING TO EDINBURGH’S CHRISTMAS?!’
Jack looked cheery and excited; Phoebe suspicious, as if this was clearly a trick that couldn’t possibly be happening. Pippa was a couple of steps behind them, pretending she was above all this and was only down to supervise.
Sofia rolled her eyes.
‘You’ve done it now,’ she said.
‘I’ve done what now?’ said Carmen.
‘Please, Auntie Carmen! Please! Please take us! Will you take us?’
‘How much money do you have?’ said Sofia.
‘What, me?’ said Carmen, stung. ‘Enough.’
Sofia shook her head. ‘No, you don’t.’
‘We’ll pay! From our pocket money!’
The children were painfully begging now. Jack looked as if he might be about to throw himself writhing on the floor.
‘PLEASE just take me,’ said Phoebe desperately. ‘Skylar’s going to make me drink THAT STUFF.’
Skylar was making green juice and she smiled beatifically. ‘Because I want what’s best for you.’
‘You should drink it, Phoebe,’ said Pippa. ‘It’s very, very good for you.’
‘Please,’ said Phoebe.
‘But she can’t go if I can’t go!’ said Jack hotly. ‘How would that be fair? That wouldn’t be fair!’
Pippa sniffed.
‘Well, obviously I think it’s bad too, Mummy, but if they’re going to go I should probably go and make sure Phoebe doesn’t do any rides that are too scary for her.’
‘They’re not too scary for me!’
