She took a last happy look at her darling house, and clip-clopped past the icy puddles on her way to work.
‘Sofia doesn’t want me.’
‘Nonsense,’ lied her mother. ‘You’re just at different life stages, that’s all. And you hurt her feelings about Pippa’s party.’
‘I hurtherfeelings?’ Carmen said. ‘I’m sitting here, with nothing going on, living back in my bedroom having lost my job, but somehow precious Sofia’s feelings are all that matter.’
‘Darling. Please. Not even a birthday card?’
‘She doesn’t want me there. I’m just her weird little sister that everyone has to feel sorry for, still working in a shop which I’m not even doing any more, still not married and not all smug and pregnant like all her other snooty city friends.’ Carmen couldn’t help colouring.
‘It’s all right to be jealous,’ said her mother, who then took on a haunted look as she realised she’d said exactly the wrong thing.
‘I’m not jealous! Who wants to be neck deep in kids, stuck?’ said Carmen. ‘I just figured she’d not be that fussed. I figured she’d have better things to worry about than whether I came to a stupid birthday party.’
‘Than her only sister being there for her own family?’
‘But it’s not my family!’ said Carmen. ‘And it’s something everyten minutes. A wedding. A christening. A birthday party. A baby shower. Please give up all your precious free time, Carmen, and come and tell me how brilliant I am and how brilliant my life is and how brilliant my children are and by the way I want you to bring me really expensive gifts that you can’t really afford and we’ll go to restaurants you can’t really afford and I’ll make a massive deal out of paying for my poor sister. Ooh! Look at my gigantic house!’
Carmen folded her arms crossly. She really missed her little rented flat, but she was so skint. She had had some shifts here and there in coffee shops and bars, but the entire town was looking for work. Her parents being so lovely about everything wasn’t helping. She knew what they were itching to say – that she had been a clever girl, she could easily have gone to college, got a trade or an occupation. But she had been headstrong, hadn’t listened.
So she directed her frustration elsewhere.
‘Plus you guys are up there worshipping at the grandchildren altar every five minutes, dropping everything. It’s like this entire family is just the Sofia fan club. And the moment I didn’t want to be in it, it was, like,bad Carmen.’
Her mother didn’t say anything. There was some truth in what Carmen was saying: three children was a lot of parties and gifts and fuss. She wasn’t even sure Carmen knew what age they all were. But plenty of women were doting aunts. She so wanted her girls to be close. She wanted everyone to be close: that’s what family was.
‘I think she really needs you now,’ she said, not really thinking that at all.
‘She doesn’t,’ said Carmen. ‘She’s got her “amazing nanny”.’ Sofia spoke about the amazing nanny in glowing terms Carmen was sure Sofia had never used about her. ‘And Federico.’
‘He’s been away working all the time,’ said her mum. ‘She’s about to have another baby. She’s still working. Three kids is a lot, even with a nanny. And she has space. And she’s said she can help you.’
‘You are kidding, Mum!’ was what Sofia had actually said when her mother had tried again. ‘You are not going to dump the brat on me. I have three kids, plus Federico, another on the way, a huge case I can’t leave and you want me to sort out Carmen as well?’
‘Want something done, ask a busy person?’ tried her mother hopefully. ‘There’s nothing left round here, Sofia, nothing. The town is finished.’
‘I know,’ said Sofia. ‘It’s buzzing here.’
‘And your sister … I just hate to see her so sad.’
Sofia felt a twinge of guilt.
‘She won’t want to come. She thinks Edinburgh’s just full of smug old boring posh prats in red trousers.’
‘She … ’
That was exactly what Carmen thought, and had said aloud, on several occasions.
‘I just thought … ’ her mum said. ‘She pretends everything’s fine, but it isn’t really and it’s killing us. She’s not seeing anyone; she’s not got a job … I’m so worried.’
‘Why is Carmen my problem?’
‘She isn’t,’ said her mother. ‘She’s everyone’s problem. No, I don’t mean that. But I just thought … I thought she could get to know your kids.’
Sofia snorted.
‘She doesn’t even know their names!’
