Page 68 of Sophia & Cameron
“Yes, you’ve mentioned your brother. Tell me why, after so many years, you still cling to it. Why haven’t you forgiven him?”
“I have…” Cameron insisted, but his voice betrayed him. “Mostly.”
“What would it take to break free of the shackles that bind that part of you—the side of you that becomes desperate—to your brother?”
He really wished his brother would acknowledge what had happened and apologize—explain, maybe. Samuel had never been cruel in their younger years.
“You don’t have to answer out loud. It appears you have some idea as to what might help, and I suggest you explore that. Until then, continue with the exercises we’ve been working on. Remaining calm. Finding a place of peace when your anxiety becomes too much.”
Cameron nodded. Maybe it was time to finally bury the hatchet with his brother.
“Tell me about Sophia.”
Glancing up at Tanner, Cameron hesitated. They’d agreed that he needed to maintain his distance for Sophia’s sake. But he’d been making excuses to see her or bump into her lately. Tanner wouldn’t approve. He cleared his throat. “I’m still in love with her.”
A small smile tugged at the corners of Tanner’s lips. “I gathered that. Tell me why you think that’s problematic. If you’re improving, I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t attempt to open that door again.”
Cameron stiffened. “Because she’s not interested. She doesn’t go out of her way to see me. She’s not dating anyonethat I can tell, but she’s still going out. She’s keeping her options open.”
“Perhaps it’s time you do the same.”
He couldn’t help it; he scowled at Tanner. For a moment he clenched his hands into fists, but then just as quickly, relaxed and allowed his heart to settle. It was getting easier, and that fact alone brought a small smile to his lips. “No.”
“I’m not suggesting that you move on. All I’m saying is that a few dates might ease the loneliness you’ve been struggling?—”
“I’m not lonely,” Cameron cut him off. “I just… miss her. And if I can’t have her, then I don’t want anyone else. I can’t explain it. It’s like her soul spoke to mine. We belong together, and I know that in the marrow of my bones. I’ve never been happier than when she was mine.”
Tanner nodded. “That’s understandable. I suppose you have a couple things to think about then.”
Cameron didn’t bother asking what Tanner meant. The guy was great at expounding on what he was thinking.
“You need to get to the root of your concerns and figure out what it is that will help you overcome your triggers. It won’t be easy, and change won’t happen overnight. But it will help you in the future as you move forward. Then you’re going to have to decide if opening the door to a relationship with Sophia is something you can handle emotionally and mentally.”
Nodding, Cameron let out a sigh. “I’ll think about it.”
Over the next week, that was all Cameron thought about. He couldn’t dredge up the courage to call his brother. They’d had a good conversation when Cameron had apologized for his behavior, but their current relationship was rocky at best. He really didn’t want to tear open old wounds when Samuel didn’t seem inclined to take responsibility for what he’d done.
There was an ache in Cameron’s chest over that. It was like his heart had turned into a clam and Samuel’s behavior was thatgrain of sand that irritated his insides. At some point Cameron prayed it would result in something better. But for now, he’d focus on the other side of things.
Sophia.
The more he thought about her, the more he desired to tell her everything he’d experienced from the moment he’d met her to where they stood right now. He needed her to know that he was still all in. He couldn’t sit back on the sidelines anymore.
He just prayed that he wasn’t making a mistake in going to her first rather than letting her come to him.
Sophia stood with two men,laughing at something one of them said. The music was loud enough that Cameron couldn’t hear the topic of conversation. But from where he stood, he could see how aware Sophia was of his own presence. She had looked over at him a handful of times since he’d arrived. Based on the fact that she spent most of her evening with Emma and Emma’s husband, it was clear she wasn’t here on a date. No one guy had danced more than once with her. That had to be a good sign.
Cameron hovered in his own group—mostly made up of the guys who worked for Mateo. Roman was with them, too, and he nudged Cameron with a chuckle. “What are you doing over here when you clearly want to be somewhere else?”
Glancing in his friend’s direction, Cameron bit back a smile. Today had been a good day. It was getting easier to see Sophia spending time with other guys—mostly because he’d been forced to observe her and had started to notice subtle differences in the way she treated them versus the way she’d treated him when they were together.
Sophia might have a natural flirty way about her, but she had no interest in anything other than friendship.
Cameron let his eyes drift back to Sophia. A question hovered on the edge of his tongue, but Roman took pity on him and answered it before Cameron had a chance to voice it.
“She still wants you.”
“How do you know?” The question was quick and snapped out before Cameron knew what he was saying.
