I hated to lose control, since it rarely served any purpose, and I hated confrontation. But when Zach made everything sound like the past was all my fault, I couldn’t contain the emotions I thought I’d settled in the past. I guessed they weren’t as resolved as I believed.
I watched surprise, then confusion, swirl across Zach’s face. Then his face flushed red, and his nostrils flared. The cords in his neck strained as he flung back his head. “Fuuuck,” he roared. Strands of hair fell across his forehead as he returned his piercing eyes to me, only softening when I took a step back.
“Emalee, as cliché as it sounds, it wasn’t what you thought it was.”
“You’re saying I didn’t see you come out of another woman’s room and kiss her?”
“No.Yes!I mean, yes, I was there but not doing anything wrong.”
I folded my arms across my chest, rubbing my forearms from the hollow chill that swept over me. “But you kissed her, Zach, mere hours after you had sex with me.”
“If I did, it was a quick peck on the cheek, nothing else, I swear. Honestly, Em, that moment isn’t anything I remember because it didn’t mean anything. All I wanted was to get back to you, especially after the shit that went down while you were sleeping. I went back to our room right after that, but you weren’t there. I thought you’d gone down to breakfast, but then I noticed all your things were gone. You never answered your phone. Not then, not an hour later, not days later.”
I felt sick. Was he telling the truth? And if he was, had everything been a misunderstanding and an unfortunate series of bad luck? “But why were you in her room at all?”
“Let’s sit. I think we both have questions and answers.” He held out his hand, his eyes imploring me to take it. “Please.”
After hesitating for a second, I picked up my glass of wine and slid my hand into his, letting him lead me back to the living room where we both sat on the couch facing each other. As soon as his hand let go of mine, I felt the loss and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to my chest like armor that could shield me from the painful memories we were about to dredge up.
“I’ll start,” he said, “since that seems to be where everything got mucked up.” He told me about how he’d been called to the police station in the middle of the night after one of his frat brothers, Chad, had gotten into a fight in the hotel lobby and had been arrested. He explained how he’d had to post bail and haul a still-drunk fraternity brother back to his hotel room.
“Almost as soon as I got him back, he threw up on himself and the girl you saw—his date. I helped her get him into the shower and then into bed, where he passed out cold. I don’t remember all the details, but I remember we both got soaked helping him, and she’d already used her spare shirt after he got sick, so I gave her mine.”
I had to know. “And the kiss?”
He frowned. “Ella and I had a complicated relationship. Our fathers kept trying to set us up. I always refused to ask her out, but I think she wanted me to. I don’t honestly remember much about her because I was never interested in her that way. I guess she tried to take advantage of the situation and kiss me, but I never kissed her back. I only wanted to get back to you, I swear.”
I stared at my table, lost in the memories of that horrific moment. I’d been upset and crying, scared for my mom, and confused why Zach had left. Had I misconstrued what I’d seen? As much as I hated to admit it, maybe I had. The elevator door had closed just as his head bent to hers.
“I swear, Emalee, nothing happened. You were the only girl I wanted, the only one I had eyes for.”
“Why didn’t you tell me where you were?”
He grimaced. “I thought I’d be back before you woke up, but everything took longer than I expected. My phone died. I couldn’t text you. I asked Ella to, but I’m guessing she was jealous and didn’t.”
I closed my eyes against unexpected tears of anguish caused by an assumption. I thought of all the years that had gone by, the opportunities lost. All because of a domino effect of unfortunate events, facilitated by my own stupidity. I let out a long breath before I could focus on him. “I believe you. I’m so sorry, Zach. I should have trusted you.”
Zach’s posture relaxed somewhat, but his hands that rested next to his wine glass were still loosely clutched in fists. “You should have.” He expelled a huge sigh himself. “But I guess from your perspective it looked bad. But still, why didn’t you say something then? Why did you just leave?”
I nodded and took a gulp of my wine, hoping it would magically make everything better, or at least not feel so cold and empty. I closed my eyes, replaying that horrible moment, the memories still as clear as the day it had happened. “Bristol called me that morning while you were gone. She said my mom had been rushed to the hospital. She’d been shot.”
I felt Zach’s hands grasp mine, and I opened my eyes to find his gaze focused on me, dim with concern. I drew strength from his grasp as I told him about the day I thought my remaining parent had been taken from me. “Saturdays were deposit days at the bank. Turned out, there was a bank robbery, some guy high on drugs. He shot three people that morning. My mom was one of them.”
He sucked in a quick breath as his eyes grew to an even darker green. “God, Em, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“It was my job when I was home. If you recall, I was supposed to be home that weekend, but I’d canceled on my mom so I could go to the social with you. She went in my place. It should have been me.”
“No!” Zach shook his head emphatically. “It shouldn’t have been any of you, but don’t ever say that again. If it had been you, then Iain…”
I knew what he was thinking; I’d have never gotten pregnant with Iain. Regardless of what everyone went through, that part I wouldn’t change. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it. It’s a form of survivor’s guilt. Mama and I have talked about it. I even spent several sessions with a therapist. I don’t usually think of it like that anymore, but every once in a while, the thought comes back.”
“What happened after you got the call?”
“Bristol picked me up and drove me home. It was a good thing. I don’t remember the drive, just that it felt like it took forever, and then suddenly, I was there.”
Zach got up and stood before me, taking my hands in his. “Your mom?”
“The guy shot her three times. By the time we got to the hospital, she’d already been in surgery for a couple of hours. She’d been shot in the abdomen, chest, and leg. We weren’t sure she’d survive.”
