Still sitting on the beach next to him, Tammy’s eyes widened. ‘Wow. Why? A partnership sounds like a big opportunity. I don’t mean to pry but wouldn’t making partner mean a lot more money?’
‘It would have meant a pay rise and a share of the profits –ifI’d taken the job,’ he said cautiously, not wanting to brag. ‘I started as a lowly junior though and it’s only corporate lawyers or those who work for banks who can make megabucks. Like I said, I specialise in small estates and property, mostly for individuals and small firms.’ He smiled. ‘The local potato farmers are one of my biggest clients now.’
‘Potatoes are important down here,’ Tammy joked. ‘But I’m betting you did very well at uni and at your company. You just don’t want to sound up yourself by admitting you were brilliant, do you?’
Ruan shrugged aside her praise with a laugh because he wasn’t going to admit he’d come top of the year in his finals and that he’d brought in lots of business to his last employer via clients who trusted him.
He settled for admitting, ‘I was far from brilliant, but I did well.’
‘Yet you turned the big opportunity down?’
‘If I’d taken it, I’d have been a full-time manager as well as a solicitor, with all the added responsibility that brought. I’d be working even more hours, with more and more responsibility and less time for myself.’
‘You mean less time to be on the water?’
‘That’s one of the reasons I didn’t want the role,’ he said, taming a flutter of guilt. ‘I’d probably have been stuck in that groove for the next thirty years. I didn’t want to be stuck in any groove. I know that so many people would be desperate to have that opportunity, but I just felt hollow at the idea. Some people want steady and solid. They want stability.’
‘Yeah.’ She sounded wistful. ‘Stable and steady doesn’t exist. At least not in my life. Nothing stays the same forever. The good and the bad.’ She forced a smile to her face. ‘So, you turned down the chance of a good job for life. What happened then?’
He hesitated, realising he’d drawn a spiral in the sand with his finger without him noticing. ‘And then … having thrown the opportunity back in their faces, I had no place to go. I couldn’t stay with that firm after showing just how unambitious and uncommitted I was in their eyes. It was only when that offer was on the table that I stopped to think:is this really what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?’ He hesitated, wondering whether to tell Tammy more. ‘It made me look hard at every aspect of my life, including my relationship at the time.’
‘Oh?’ Tammy’s lips parted in surprise, as if she thought he was too much of a workaholic to let someone into his life. ‘There was someone, then?’
‘There was. I was dating a lawyer from a different firm – Alexandra. We hadn’t moved in together, but everyone expected us to. I suppose I kind of expected us to as well, although I knew something wasn’t right because I was dreading telling her about the partnership.’
‘Dreading it? Why? Didn’t she want you to be happy?’
‘Happy on her terms, maybe, and they weren’t mine any longer. Looking back, I think our ambition was all that we had in common. I’d tried to pretend that we enjoyed the same things: nice restaurants, weekends in smart hotels, a decent car, a flat in the middle of all the action … that it was enough.’
‘How did she react?’ Tammy asked, pulling a strand of hair out of her eyes. The wind had freshened more and larger clouds seemed to march across the sky from the west. ‘Though I have a feeling …’
He thought back to the evening he’d arranged to meet Alex at her flat and tell her he’d turned down the partnership. She’d actually gasped and then burst out laughing.
‘She wasn’t impressed,’ Ruan said. ‘In fact, when I first broke the news, she thought I was joking, and then, when I said I was deadly serious, she thought I was out of my mind.I tried to explain that I needed to rethink my future, but she said it was obvious I wasn’t the man she thought I was.’
‘Sounds like you weren’t the manyouthought you were,’ Tammy said.
Ruan stared at her in astonishment. She’d hit the nail right on the head. ‘You’re right, and while being offered my big chance turned my life upside down, I’m so glad it happened.’
Tammy rubbed her chin, seeming thoughtful. ‘Even so, it must have been hard leaving everything behind. Your job, friends – and splitting up with Alex.’
‘The break-up was upsetting. I never wanted to hurt or disappoint her and it knocked my confidence. Though I knew I’d done the right thing, she made me think again that I really had thrown away a big opportunity. But it was never going to work between us. Alex made it clear our “life values” and goals weren’t aligned. Basically, I think me wanting to “waste myself being a surf bum”, as she put it, was a red line for her.’
Tammy burst out laughing. ‘I can’t imagine you being accused of being a surf bum. That’s hilarious!’
Ruan glared at Tammy. ‘Is it really that laughable an idea?’ he asked in mock hurt.
‘Well, no, I suppose not, but you are quite … strait-laced – on the surface, I mean. In the suit and tie on a beach and the shiny, clean Audi …’ She covered her mouth with her hand, clearly stifling her giggles. ‘Whoops, I’m digging a hole for myself, aren’t I?’
Finally, Ruan cracked and grinned. ‘Don’t worry. I’monly winding you up. Being offered that partnership and forced to examine what I really wanted from my life was the best thing that could have happened to me. Now I can be a surf bum and a boring lawyer. I have the best of both worlds.’
And he’d never have met Tammy if he’d stayed in Bristol, he reminded himself. How he wanted to tell her how much her free spirit appealed to him. He loved her lack of interest in the material world, her willingness to go with the ebb and flow. He wanted to capture a little of it and instil it in himself.
‘So you swapped the bright lights of Bristol for Penzance …’ Tammy cut into his thoughts, and it was a moment before he realised that she was approaching a tricky topic. ‘And sold your flat to live in a caravan …’
Tammy waited.
He felt terrible. He ought to tell her the whole truth now, about his inheritance – everything. He hadn’t even mentioned that the house was a factor in his decision to move. It hadn’t been, although it had seemed like serendipity after the fact: he’d turned down the promotion a month before he’d heard about Walter’s will. Even so, you didn’t have to outright lie to deceive someone.
