I stare at her, blinking hard. ‘Shit,’ I reply quietly, as alarm fills my chest. She’s right. We’d been exchanging regularnotes for months, and now I’ve disappeared completely! He must think I’m blowing him off. He must think that the name Eliot was a dealbreaker for me and I’m no longer interested. Oh god, have I really missed my chance? What if he never comes back to the library again? It’s not like he’s included a number or a surname in this note – I can’t just look him up! OH GOD I’VE FUCKED THIS UP!
Salma catches my panicked expression. ‘Don’t listen to her, Jem!’ she says with confidence. ‘There’s no way he’d give up on you after just a bit of silence.’
I shake my head, knowingIwould have, if it were me. If I’d written a note like this – so heartfelt and lovely; putting myself on the line like this – and he hadn’t replied, I’d have quit my library membership and hidden in my room for the next six months.
‘I’ve messed up,’ I say. ‘I was so obsessed with my own stuff and worrying about ruining this magic little corner of my life, that I’ve gone and done exactly that: I’ve ruined it.’
‘Don’t say that!’ Mum cries, looking agonized. ‘Do you really think?’
‘You should reply right now!’ Angela says with determination. ‘We’ll get it into your book.’
Salma checks her watch. ‘It’s seven o’ clock at night! It’ll have to wait until tomorrow.’
I stand up. ‘No, it doesn’t have to! The library isn’t staffed at this hour, but there’s access all evening!’ I pull out my purse, brandishing the fob that lets me in, out of hours. ‘I’ll go right now,’ I say breathlessly.
Maybe it’s not too late. There’s a chance, right? I have to try!
‘Let’s all go!’ Salma says excitedly. ‘Right now!’
‘Yeah!’ Buffy actually looks enthusiastic, as Angela and Mum regard each other with bright eyes.
‘Ummmmm.’ Clara makes a weird noise as we all grab at coats and bags. ‘Um, look, there are loads of you, right?’ She glances over at Harry, who nods at her encouragingly.
‘Right, exactly!’ he says, trying to swallow down obvious excitement. ‘You don’t really need us, do you, guys? We’re just going to… I mean, I’m actually not feeling that well, y’know… um, yeah, I might just… get an early night.’ He elaborately fake yawns and Clara joins in.
‘Yeah, gosh, boy, am I tired!’ She blows out her cheeks really unconvincingly. ‘Huge day,massiveday tomorrow’ – she gestures at Mum and Angela who look amused, but nod along – ‘and it’s my first time as a bridesmaid. I wouldnotwant to mess that up. So I’ll probably, y’know’ – she nods at Harry again as they both start backing away and out of the living room – ‘just get an early night so I’m – we’re – well rested, yeah? So… yeah! See you guys later?’
‘Good luuuuuuck!’ Harry yells as they both take off running towards the stairs, hand in hand.
The rest of us look at each other and start laughing. Horny idiots.
Chapter Forty-ThreeCLARA
I am immensely relieved to report that sex with Harry is absolutely brilliant. Bloody fantastic. MAGICAL.
We’ve done it three times now, and each time has been better than the last. I even had a couple of orgasms! I’m delighted.
‘I’m back!’ Harry announces from the bedroom doorway, bouncing back onto the duvet, naked and gorgeous. He hands over the tub of ice cream he’s been to fetch from the kitchen.
I sigh happily and point at his crotch. ‘That is such a lovely penis, is it all for me?’
‘You bet,’ he says, grinning and offering up a spoon. I take it, still staring at his dangly bits as I remove the plastic from the lid. ‘Honestly, though, Haz, it’s really,reallylovely. I must’ve been a super nice person in a previous life to deserve this. I was probably, like, Tom Hanks or Dolly Parton.’
‘Both still alive,’ he points out, reaching over to steal a scoop of my Phish Food.
‘Oh.’ I see the flaw in my logic, but am instantly distracted by the taste of creamy fat and sugar. ‘Aaah man,’ I breathe out blissfully, ‘I am so happy with my life choices.’
Harry glances over affectionately. ‘Aw, Clara!’ He strokes my leg. ‘That’s actually genuinely sweet of you.’ He beams. ‘I glove you.’
I smile back at him. He doesn’t need to know I was actually referring to this massive tub of ice cream, not the awesome sex we just had.
He rolls closer, reaching over and gently stroking one of my boobs.
‘Wow, this is really nice too,’ he murmurs.
‘Yeah, you like that?’ I say. ‘I have another one over here.’ I gesture at my other tit and he puts down his spoon to cup both.
‘I like this one best,’ he says decisively, lightly bouncing the right one in his palm.
