Ugh, I’m on the wrong side of the plane, I’ll have to go allthe way to the other end to get to his aisle. Unless I’m willing to climb across the laps of three people. Would they mind? I shift back and forth for a second, unsure what to do, and then I shout again. ‘Harry?’ I’m louder this time and a few people tut. Some make a show of turning away or putting on their headphones. I’m about to shout again, when I make eye contact with the woman beside him. I gesture for her to wake him up; she looks alarmed. I wave again, more insistent this time, and she gives in, gently nudging the big lug. Harry jerks awake, looking confused and sleepy. It makes my heart squeeze, seeing him like this; all vulnerable and uncertain. Oh god, I love him so much.
I see the woman mouth something to him and he turns in my direction, his eyebrows knotted with confusion and sleep.
‘Sorry, mate,’ I call out to him across the plane. ‘Are you feeling rough?’
He tries to sit up properly, still half asleep, but replies after a moment, ‘Not too bad, just tired.’ I stare at him, frozen, and he stares back, waiting. His bafflement is clear. Oh god, I’m screwing this whole thing up. Eventually he calls out, ‘Um, do you maybe want to get over here somehow and sit down?’
I nod slowly, then shake my head. I don’t know what to say and I can’t bring myself to move. Someone clambers past me, heading for the loo, and still I stand there, staring helplessly over at Harry.
And suddenly I’m speaking, breathing too hard.
‘I’ve been fighting this for a while now, Haz, but I can’t anymore. I can’t push down these feelings. I have to tell youright now – right this second – how much I genuinely like and fancy you.’ I take a deep, shuddery breath, trying not to be put off by the alarm on his face. ‘I know telling you this is ridiculous and everyone we know – all my family and friends – will think I’m mad. I mean, Ialsothink I’m mad, for the record.’ I shake my head, knowing this isn’t going well. ‘Like, we’retotallywrong for each other. No one would put us together as a couple. It’s completely irrational and unlikely, but I can’t help how I feel. I think I’m realizing now that I’ve fancied you right from that first day, from the first moment. When I saw you outside my mum’s house. You gave the door this adorably rubbish, tentative knock that no one would’ve heard, and I remember my chest filling with – I don’t know – something likeadmiration, despite my better judgement. Oh god, it’s all so stupid and ridiculous – andembarrassing!’ I pause, feeling many eyes on me. An air steward calls across the plane at me tosit down, miss. Someone a few rows back starts sarcastically slow-clapping me. I ignore it all. ‘Haz, this is all making me feel really shit and weird, so can you just let me off the hook and tell me if you’re interested? At least in a shag or something?’
He eyeballs me for a moment, then snorts. ‘Clara—’ he begins, trying to stand up but trapped by his seatbelt.
‘You doofus,’ I yell at him, laughing. ‘I can’t believe I fancy you. I’m so disgusted with myself.’
He releases the belt and runs up the plane. I run along my aisle to meet him at the break in the seats. Finally face to face, we just look at each other for a moment, breathing hard.
And then he takes my face in his hands and he kisses me.
It is the most romantic, sincere, tender moment of my life – until a trolley slams into my ankles. The steward driving it calls out sternly, ‘You shouldn’t be out here, please return to your seats.’
Harry and I pull apart, laughing some more, and staring at each other. I really do fancy him so much. How could I not have noticed? It’s so completely obvious.
‘You know your speech was absolutely terrible,’ he tells me as we walk hand in hand back towards his seat. ‘Like,reallybad. There was so little effort at civility. You basically told me that you like me against your will, against all reason and against everything you care about.’ He laughs and I grimace.
‘Sorry. It was my first attempt at professing undying love to someone.’
He pauses at this. ‘Love?’
I feel myself pale. I didn’t actually use that word, did I? Fuck. ‘God no!’ I try to regain some ground. ‘That isrank. I said… glove. Undying glove. Please try to listen to the words I say and not make nonsense guesses, Haz.’
He laughs again. ‘God, you’re a pain in the arse, Clara,’ he tells me affectionately. ‘But I do want you to know that I glove you, too.’
Beside us, a passenger groans. ‘Ugh, you two are the absolute worst.’ She starts to get up, gathering her things. ‘Where are you sitting, young lady? I’ll swap with you.’
I gleefully thank her, pointing in Jemma’s direction, and then we collapse into the seats, kissing some more. I can’tbelieve I get to just… kiss him? Whenever I want? It’s so lovely.
After a moment, Harry pauses. ‘Not to ruin the moment, but what about… him?’
I frown. ‘Him who?’ I gasp. ‘Do you mean Brandon? God, I never want anything to do with that guy, ever again. I didn’t leave without a word this time, I messaged to tell him it was a million per cent over – for ever. I hate his guts. When I went to grab my stuff from Enya’s, she told me he’d been banging half our friendship group since I’ve been gone as well! He’s a total arsehole, really. I can see straight through him and I feel like such a fool that I believed in him. How I felt about him, even at our best, doesn’t compare—’
Harry shakes his head, half laughing. ‘No, no, I mean Milo Samuels! TheBook Boyfriendactor. Have you forgotten about him already? We went through so much to find him and help you make a connection. I saw the way you looked at him. And I can’t deny he’s awesome! He’s, like, the coolest guy I’ve ever met. I wouldtotallyfancy him if—’
I laugh, cutting off his obsessive fan-boying. ‘Well, sure, he’shot.’ At Harry’s crestfallen face, I add, ‘But not as hot as you!’ I pause. ‘Look, sure, I know I went a little mad over him for a minute. I think I was just looking for an escape. Something to keep me distracted from what had happened over in New York.’ I realize as I say this that somewhere inside me, I’ve known all along that it was just made up. It was easier to focus on the fantasy than face up to my lame, everyday life. I look at Harry properly. ‘Thisis real between us. It feels so real.’ I add anxiously, ‘Is it real for you, too?’
He nods a lot. ‘Really, really real.’ We kiss a second time and my stomach flips over again and again. I want to do this with him for ever.
‘Also,’ I say, pulling away, ‘when I actually had a proper chat with Milo, he wasn’t exactly… I mean…’ I grimace. ‘I dunno, he just wasn’t really my bag. I’d built up this dream man – some fictional ideal – in my head. He wasn’t what I’d imagined. I don’t think we really had anything in common. He had more in common with Jemma than me!’
Harry raises an eyebrow. ‘Wehave nothing in common.’
I snort. ‘Well, yeah, but we have nothing in common in, like, a fun way. We may not have the same interests, but we are the same kind of silly. We can both laugh at ourselves. We love a night out and we love people. Milo seemed kind of… low key and shy. Nice, sure! But happier at home on his own with old people telly on.’ I make a face. ‘I liked him as a person but I think the novelty of his hotness would’ve worn off pretty quickly.’ I brighten. ‘He really would be perfect for Jemma – maybe we should try to get them together instead!’
‘Fair enough,’ Harry says smiling, and I can tell he’s reassured. I hope so. I hope I can always make him feel safe, secure and wanted, like the way he makes me feel.
‘Can we kiss some more now?’ I ask, raising my eyebrows at his obliging smile.
