Salma leans in. ‘I love the name Gina. It’s so close to being Vagina.’
I snort at her immaturity and Harry – on the other side of me – joins in. Across the table, Buffy glares at the three of us.
We invited Mum, Angela and Buffy over to ours for dinner. I think we’re all feeling a little fragile and wanted to be together. It’s been four days since Clara flew back to America with Brandon. Five since our fight in Clara’s old bedroom – now Buffy’s room.
I haven’t heard anything.
‘Do you think the name Vagina will ever come into fashion?’ I ask, and Salma sits up straight.
‘One day I hope!’ she pronounces, and eyeballs Buffy. ‘Can you make it trend on TikTok?’ Buffy looks away, disgusted not so much by the question but by being spoken to at all. Salma continues, ‘Our generation was taught to be repulsed by our vaginas! We all use stupid euphemisms like foof and lady bits because we can’t possibly be proud of our sexual organs.’ She pauses, muttering again, ‘Foof!We’re adult women, imagine how stupid it is!’ She stops to shudder. ‘Wouldn’t it be brilliant if women got brave enough to actually call a kid Vagina!’ She nods defiantly. ‘That’s it, I’m totally going to call my daughter Vagina. Or Vulva.’
‘Isn’t that a make of car?’ Buffy looks intrigued, despite herself.
‘That’s Volvo,’ Harry explains helpfully, then looks wistful. ‘Hey, Buffy, you and Clara should’ve got to know each other better. I feel like you guys would’ve had a lot in common.’
I stand up at this, taking my plate into the kitchen and dumping it loudly in the sink.
I don’t want to talk about my selfish sister. Especially not in some sad, sappy, nostalgic way. She’s let us all down! She’s disappeared just when I – whenpeople –were getting used to having her around. And even though Mum’s maintaining a brave face about it all, I know for sure that this has broken her heart. I’m the one who had to tell her Clara was married. I’m the one who had to tell her she’d only come back to usto avoid having a difficult conversation with her husband. And I’m the one who had to tell Mum she’d gone back to him and was missing the wedding.
I’m the one who had to watch our mum’s bottom lip wobble and her eyes well up as she insisted it was fine and she understood.
I listen to her out in the hallway now, fretting to Angela about where her glasses are.
She was so excited about having the three of us as bridesmaids this Friday. She was so thrilled about having her two daughters by her side for her big day. It meant a lot to her, despite all her protestations tonight. She keeps waving her hand and saying it’s completely fine that Clara’s gone and it’s just a small ceremony anyway, but I know she’s really devastated. I’m so mad at Clara for doing this to her.
And I’m so mad at this lot, who already seem to have pre-forgiven her! She’s not even said sorry or begged for forgiveness. From what Salma’s said, she’s been ignoring all of their texts completely. And yet here they all are, being soppy and sad about her absence.
‘We’d better get going!’ Mum calls to Angela from the hallway, popping her head around the doorway. ‘I bought pudding, it’s in the kitchen. Enjoy. We’ll be back in a couple of hours to get Buffy. Thanks for having us, it’s been lovely.’ She smiles, but I can see the sadness underneath.
‘Have fun with Gina,’ I call, matching her bravado.
‘Give my best to Vagina!’ Salma echoes innocently as Harry laughs. Even Buffy breaks out a small smile.
‘I’ll get dessert,’ Buffy says, leaping up gracefully, and returning moments later with a Tupperware of brownies.
‘Found them!’ she says gleefully, yanking off the lid. We all dig in, shovelling in two each, before Salma breaks the brownie-induced silence.
‘You know…’ she sounds sad. ‘It really sucks that she’s gone. It’s the season finale ofBook Boyfriendthis week – we’ll finally see if George and Julianna get together. Clara would’ve wanted to see that. And I’ve got that interview with Milo Samuels on Friday afternoon – after your mum’s ceremony – I was going to bring her along.’
‘Not that she cares about Milo anymore,’ Harry says quickly. ‘She’s back with her husband, remember. She’s getting her happily ever after with him instead.’
‘Ughhh!’ I throw up my arms. ‘Why do you two keep bringing Clara up? She left! I was right about her all along. She’s selfish, secretive, narcissistic and just plain knobheady. She lied to all of us about her life. She abandoned me, you guys, the house.’ Another wave of anger floods me. ‘And do you know how embarrassing it is that she’s skipped out on the job at the library? I haven’t even been able to face going back to see if there’s a note inToo Good to Be Truewaiting for me! I told Mack Clara was the right person for the job and she wouldn’t let them down – but of course she did. That’s all she does to people. She’s let us down, she’s let my mum down just before the wedding, and she’ll probably let down this guy Brandon that she married on a whim. I can’t believe he’s willing to forgive her after what she did. She’sdisappeared on him – it’s awful!’ I shake my head, furious. ‘I told you how sad he was about it all? He looked so broken. And yet of course he’s forgiven her, like everyone always does! She’s the most selfish person I ever met and I shouldn’t have to be nice to her just because we’re related. I never want to see or speak to her again.’
There is a quiet around the table, as Harry and Salma stare down at their laps.
My mouth flaps open, trying to find more words. Therightwords. I need them to understand that I’m right. I need them to comprehend that I’m the only one who truly knows Clara. Who knows what she’s like. I grew up with her. Iknowher.
‘Look—’ I begin, but I’m interrupted by a loud knock at the front door. Salma jumps in her seat as Harry sighs under his breath, reluctantly getting up to go answer it.
I look down, feeling both Buffy and Salma’s eyes burning into me. In the silence, we hear the low hum of Harry speaking to someone out in the hallway. The voices gradually get louder and we exchange curious looks, leaping up to see what’s happening.
The woman at the door is wild-eyed and frantic, her hair loose and messy around her shoulders.
‘Who the fuck is that?’ Buffy asks in a loud voice.
Salma answers in a murmur, ‘Clara’s mate, Amanda.’ She regards her with amusement. ‘Buffy, didn’t you go with them to get that furniture? You must’ve met her?’
Oh! This is the famous Chest of Drawers Amanda.
