‘I’ve never fitted in with this family,’ I say fiercely and Buffy turns up the volume on her phone, trying to drown me out. I continue regardless. ‘They’re all soboring.’ I glance at her. She’s not taking any notice but I add quickly, ‘Not you, obviously.’ She doesn’t react so I keep going. ‘They can all, like, hold down jobs and homes and friends. They don’t annoy everyone around them just byexisting. They have direction and purpose. They’re not…too much. That’s how I feel most of the time. Like I’m too much.’
My throat feels dry from the alcohol, so I take another gulp. It doesn’t help.
I rearrange myself, finding a comfy spot on the floor, and we sit there for a while – Buffy on the bed taking filtered selfies, me cradling the warm bottle of booze, mind racing. The light outside dims and I consider asking Buffy how Mum and Angela are; how the wedding planning is going, just to get her to talk to me. But I find I haven’t got any words left.
What is he doing here? Why is Brandon here, in the UK?
I close my eyes, picturing him now, standing there on my doorstep. What must Jemma think of me? Never mind Harry and Salma. They’re probably all sitting around our living room talking about what a freak I am. I hate that image so much, it burns in my chest.
‘Clara?’ My vision of Jemma is so vivid, I can practically hear her in the room with me. Her voice comes again, more insistent this time. ‘Clara!’
I open my eyes and it is actually her, standing there shouting at me in the bedroom doorway. She still has her gym clothes on and the smell of sick is wafting around her, though all of that seems like days ago.
I scramble to my feet. ‘How did you know where I was?’ I demand, feeling caught out. She snorts.
‘Where else would you be? Plus,’ she shrugs, ‘Buffy messaged me. She said you were here.’
I turn to my step-sister, shooting her furious daggers.
She glowers. ‘You wouldn’t stop talking at me.’
Jemma shakes her head. ‘Don’t pretend you weren’t looking out for her, Buff.’
I swallow. ‘She messaged… you?’ Of all the people Buffy could’ve texted, it was Jemma she automatically reached out to. My mum and step-mum are both literally downstairs, but she contacted my sister.
Jemma nods. ‘Yep, and I got in a cab straight here.’ She gives me a hard look. ‘Are you OK?’
I consider this. ‘Um, kind of. I guess so.’
There is a momentary awkward silence and when Jemma starts speaking, her voice is cold and detached. ‘I thought we were finally getting closer.’ Her words hurt. ‘I actually thought you were… growing up a bit for the first time in your life. But this… this issoawful and immature. I’mstunned. Shocked that you could…’ She doesn’t finish her sentence and I feel my hackles rising.
‘You don’t know anything!’ My voice is raised, and she nods.
‘That’s right, I don’t! Because you never told me. Who doesn’t tell their family that they’remarriedfor god’s sake? Who doesn’t tell theirtwin sisterthey’re married? Who the hell gets married after only knowing a guy for a few months, and then abandons him and flees the country without a word after only a few days?’
I feel my face go slack from shock and she nods again, almost gleefully. ‘Yep, that’s right, Brandon told me everything. How you’d only been dating a short time and then ran off to elope and never told anyone. Presumably because you were too embarrassed about rushing into something so stupidly fast.’ She pauses, her breath sounding ragged. ‘And how you left him out of the blue, without a word. You abandoned him out of nowhere and moved back here to start a new life. I’m guessing you couldn’t face up to the reality of a real, adult conversation with real feelings, so you thought you’d just dump and run.’ She delivers the killer blow. ‘Just like Dad.’ She glares at me and I glare back before she continues. ‘You’re so immature and selfish, Clara. Treating someone like this is just… it’s just fucking reckless! You’ve been nothing but trouble since you got back here, like an emotional wrecking ball, destroying everything in your path; relying on everyone else to bail you out all the time; never taking anything seriously!’
I explode back at her, ‘YOU take lifetooseriously! You’re a total coward who’s afraid of actually living your life. You hide away in your books – in your fictional world – watching everyone else have fun. You’ve never travelled, neverexperimented, never eventriedanything outside of what you know. I might run away from things, but you’ve never let anything or anyone get close enough to ever risk needing an escape!’
Now I’m the breathless one as we glare at one another furiously.
After a moment, Jemma looks away. ‘Brandon’s at that Malmaison hotel down the road. He’s in room 212,’ she says at last. I feel bile rising up my throat and swallow hard. She repeats herself quietly, this time emphasizing the shocking part. ‘Yourhusbandis waiting to talk to you. I think you owe him a conversation, a proper conversation. But I don’t want to talk to you anymore, you’re impossible. I’m going. I hope it works out with your husband because I’ve had enough of The Clara Show.’
As Jemma storms out I turn to Buffy, whose eyes are huge and enthralled by all the revelations she’s just heard. She stares across at me and I can see her mentally wondering, ‘Whoareyou?’
Honestly? I’m asking myself the same thing.
Chapter Thirty-TwoJEMMA
I wake up the next morning with a belly full of rage.
I’m so done with my stupid bloody sister. SO DONE! Why did I think things could be better between us? Thatshecould be better? Why did I think we could be friends after all these years?
I roll over in my bed, feeling hot and uncomfortable. It’s been a stressful, sweaty night of tossing and turning, trying to escape anxious, furious nightmares. I remember only bits and pieces, but I know I was chasing Clara. I remember that much. Chasing my sister around rooms full of surplus furniture, all of it half painted hot pink. I kept trying to get her to stop and talk to me, and she kept laughing and slipping from my grasp.
I angry-yawn, wondering if she’s here in the house. Would she have dared come back after our fight last night? Surely not. Hopefully she’s gone to see herhusband, Brandon. She owes him that much, at least.
I still can’t get my head around it. Ahusband. All this time. WTF?A secret husband!A secret husband she apparently dumped out of nowhere, leaving him without even a goodbye text to move back to the UK? And she never said a word to any of us! She had this whole other life I knew nothing about.
