I smile wryly. ‘You like her!’ I accuse, with a finger in his face. He blushes deeply.
‘No, no,’ he stutters, looking away with embarrassment. ‘We’re friends, housemates, that’s it.’
‘Sure, sure,’ I grin, knowing better and amused by his bashfulness. ‘I really think she likes you, too, though, for the record.’
‘You do?’ Is that hope I can hear in his voice?
‘Definitely.’ I grab for another tray of drinks. These are clear. ‘Drink up,’ I instruct Harry, who obliges.
‘Hey, Clara, I really think you two need to try to make things better between you,’ he says after a moment, and I notice his voice is a little slurred.
How many free samples have we had so far? A lot. We should maybe find some food. And Milo Samuels, of course. The reason we’re here. Where is he? Maybe I should ask someone before I have too many more of these free shots.
Harry’s still speaking. ‘I just mean, you’re sisters – twins! – you should be best friends, shouldn’t you? Isn’t that how it works? All the twins on TV are best friends.’
I side-eye him. ‘Don’t ever mention Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield in front of Jemma, OK? She hates that everyone used to say she was the Elizabeth.’
Harry considers this. ‘Better than being the Danny DeVito to your Arnold Schwarzenegger.’ I snort at the imagery fromTwins.
‘That is defo true,’ I admit, speaking too loudly. ‘But, as Jemma would point out, we’re not even proper twins! Proper twins are one egg that splits into two. Originally one person! We’re fraternal twins, which means we were two eggs. We’re just sisters that ended up in the womb at the same time. It’s inconvenient, is what it is.’
‘Still!’ he cries. He’s also speaking too loudly. ‘You should be super close!’
‘Says who?’ I turn to him, almost spilling another drinkI don’t remember getting. This one is a graded sunset of oranges and pink. ‘Why do people act like it’s some travesty that me and my twin aren’t close? It’s an accident of birth that we’re even connected. Just because we spent nine months huddled together twenty-eight years ago doesn’t mean we share anything! In fact, I’m pretty sure we spent a lot of those months mostly kicking one another in the head’ I lean into Harry’s face and my brain takes a second to catch up. ‘See this wonky nose, Haz?’ I jab at it, mostly missing. ‘I’m pretty sure she elbowed me when I was growing it, and caused this shittiness. She is the reason I have a bad sense of smell.’ He gives me an amused look and I sigh. ‘Whatever. Anyway, she’s the one who hates me. Believe me, I’ve tried to make things better.’ The look comes again. ‘Ihave!’ My voice is exasperated. ‘She thinks I’m an attention-seeking party girl, with no depth.’ I pause. ‘And so what if I am? What’s so wrong with that? Who am I hurting? I don’t have any kids or pets. Why can’t I spend my twenties – and maybe my thirties – enjoying some shallow fun?’
He shrugs. ‘I don’t think she hates you, I think you just need to—’
I cut him off. ‘Don’t tell me what Ijustneed to.’ I’m a bit annoyed now. I’ve barely known this guy for a couple of months and he thinks he knows me? He thinks he knows what me and Jemma have been through? Like he cansolveus just like that? ‘You don’t have a clue, so just stop, OK? Leave it alone, because you are the last person I would ever take advice from. Yes, you invested in my upcycling businesswhen I needed help, and I appreciate that, but that doesn’t mean you get a say in my life. You don’t know anything, you’re just a boy.’
There is a second of awkward silence and then Harry speaks.
‘I’m getting kind of sick of the way you talk to me sometimes.’ His tone is serious, more serious than I’ve heard from him, ever. I whip around to take in the new Harry. He is slightly fuzzy round the edges but the geeky pushover-ness I’m semi-fond of has been replaced by a glowering bad boy that I suddenly…want.
For a moment we glare at one another. And then – out of nowhere – we’re lunging at each other, kissing without warning. It is hazy and messy, our hands pawing at one another in the murky gloom of this corner. Somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I am shocked by how good it feels to have Harry’s tongue in my mouth. He is agreatkisser. But it only takes one more second to realize this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I know Harry likes Jemma and I know she likes him. I’m being the selfish, thoughtless person she always says I am. Taking something I have no right to take.
But the booze.
How much can I blame on the booze?
‘Stop, stop!’ I pull away at last, panting. ‘I’m sorry, that was so dumb. I’m really, really drunk and this was a massive mistake.’
He nods, breathless, eyes blurry and unfocused. ‘We’re both just pissed,’ he murmurs. ‘Let’s pretend it didn’t happen.’
‘Right.’ I nod, looking away, feeling the creeping horror in my stomach.
I mean,god, I’ve made some foolish drunken snoggy mistakes in the past –believe me– but this is next level. I’ve really fucked up.
‘Um, I’m going to find Milo.’ I stand up, slightly woozy on my feet. ‘You, er, stay here and I’ll…’ I don’t bother finishing the sentence, staggering away in search of the man I actually want to snog.
Oh god, I kissed Harry.Harry.What was I thinking?
It was the worst, stupidest thing to do for so many reasons. Firstly, Harry has become my friend in these last few weeks. He’s my nerdy, posh boy pal and I genuinely like him. But I don’t fancy him. He’s like a walking pair of cargo shorts and he clearly sees me as a vacuous directionless moron with good hair.
He’s never said that thing about my hair, but it’s undeniably good and he has eyes.
Secondly, I really, really think him and Jemma would make a great couple and that they would make each other happy. That dumb snog neither of us even wanted may have totally ruined that. And third – C – it has been pointed out to me that I have a bad habit of looking for validation from men when I am feeling insecure. I have been trying not to do this since I got back from America. I cannot fall back into bad habits. I can’t let what happened over there happen here. Just when things are looking up.
Oh, and D! I have also betrayed my beloved Milo Samuels.He’s out there waiting for me; waiting for our epic, sweeping, telenovela romance to start, and I’m over here pre-cheating on him with a pal I don’t even fancy.
