We watch the video and I try not to cringe at the slimy thing in the woman’s hands. It’s mega minging and I am appalled I have to use one of these things during this super romantic night.
I still can’t believe I’m finally going to lose my virginity.
‘Didn’t Mr Havana teach you all this in biology?’ Alistair says after another minute of watching. His voice is unreadable.
‘Ewwww.’ I shift under the covers. It’s getting hot under here. ‘As IF I could look at him when he explained this stuff! Shelley had to tell me about it afterwards. Apparently he got a condom out but then couldn’t get it on the banana. It pinged off into his face – the whole class went mad. Plus, I bet Mr Havana’s never had sex in his life – he’s gotear hairfor god’s sake, Alistair. That’s probably why he was so bad with the condom.’ I shudder under the hot covers. ‘Anyway, I’m not taking any chances with getting up the duff or catching one of those sex diseases.’
In the dark, I feel Alistair look at me. ‘Esther, you know I’m a virgin, too.’
‘So?’
‘So I don’t have any sex diseases. You’re notbornwith them.’
I don’t know if that’s right, so I say nothing.
The YouTube video ends and I look again at the small square packet lying between us; so much like a sweet wrapper. We lie in silence for a minute.
‘OK,’ I say at last. ‘I think that’s all pretty straightforward. Shall we, er, do it then?’
‘Um, do you think I could come out from under the covers first – just for a minute?’ Alistair asks nicely. ‘I’m bloody boiling under here.’
‘Fine,’ I say slightly impatiently. ‘But you have sex under the covers, that’s how it works. Plus, it’ll muffle the wild animal noises I will apparently be making.’
We are both red-faced in the dim light of my bedside lamp.
‘Should we kiss?’ he asks tentatively and I nod authoritatively. I am, after all, the one in charge of all this. I am the one who has decided I’m ready for sex at long last, and I’m the one who has done all the research.
‘Yes’ – my tone is professional – ‘foreplay is apparently very important.’
He leans over, the weight of him heavy across my body. It makes me feel better; familiar. This is the easy part. We’ve kissed a lot – I mean,a lot a lot. Louise and Shelley are constantly getting at us to stop doing it in front of them, but I can’t help it. I fancy him so much.
His hand is on my boob. That’s OK, too. We’ve done that before – and other stuff! We have touched each other’s private parts, and I’ve even put his willy in my mouth a few times. It tasted like soap the first time, then sweat the times after that.
He’s gone down on me, too.
‘Shall we take our pants off?’ He is still whispering but I shush him again just in case.
‘Yes, OK.’ I yank at my knickers, reaching them over my knees and feet, while Alistair does the same. I am now as naked as I’ve ever been with him; wearing just a new bra and a half-shaved vagina. I was going to shave it all off, but I gave up after one too many cuts. I really hope I got off all the bits of tissue I used to stem the bleeding.
‘Shall I climb on?’ He gestures in the semi-dark and I nod. I’ve seen all the different positions on the internet, but I don’t want to try them. Not yet. Missionary is fine for this.
He shifts himself on top of me and I can feel his willy hard against my thigh. This is romantic, I remind myself. We love each other, it’s natural and normal – something everyone does! I’m going to love it! Totally love it! It’s going to hurt at the start, but then it’s going to be amazing and we’ll both have multiple orgasms.
Plus, he’s going to leave me if I don’t put out soon. He’s waited so long and been so nice and patient, while everyone else in our year has done it with, like, twenty-five people each.
I can feel his hand fiddling around our parts and then a pushing sensation, like I’m doing the opposite of a poo.
‘Is it in?’ he whispers and I nod, discomfort radiating from my groin.
‘Yes, I think so.’
Afterwards, I feel sore, but elated and grown-up. He holdsmy hand really tightly and says he loves me so much. I know he means it, but I’m also picturing the beautiful girl he will dump me for one day soon.
Alistair rolls away to dispose of the used condom in a plastic Tesco bag. He hides it in his backpack and turns back to me. ‘You won’t run off with some other lad when you go to uni next year, will you?’ He smiles in the dark, his silhouette visible as he climbs into bed again.
‘Of course not,’ I scoff, squeezing his hand tightly. AsifI would ever leave him, I love him so, so much. He’s the one who’ll leave me. I’ve known that all along.
CHAPTER FOUR
