I guess I have to accept the fact that he might not ever reply. He might not want anything to do with me. And I have to be an adult about it and acknowledge that it’s fair enough.
Except it’s not. Fuck him to hell, the massive twat.
I glance over at Alistair, feeling a pulse of guilt at using him to distract myself from another man. But we’refriends, aren’t we?
He stops, picking up the most garish yellow shirt I’ve ever seen in my life.
‘What do you think?’ He holds it up against himself, straight-faced, and I nod emphatically.
‘That shirt is going to change your life,’ I tell him. ‘The yellow really brings out your jaundice.’ He checks the price. There’s a big red discount sticker on the label.
‘It’s only £8,’ he says, glancing up, full of delight. ‘I’m genuinely going to buy it!’
‘Your girlfriend is a lucky lady,’ I say dryly, hoping I’m not going red right now.
He doesn’t say anything to this, strolling away down the aisle instead, face turned away from me. I wonder briefly if they’ve had a fight.
Fuck, I definitely fancy him. I shouldn’t be here. It’s not right. I try to swallow down any trace of fancying or flirting.
‘What about you, eh?’ He turns back to me at last, moving closer to wrap an arm around my shoulders affectionately. ‘What’s going on with your love life?’
I clear my throat. Why shouldn’t I tell him about Idris? Or about any of them? Or about the whole damned mission? There’s no reason why not. We’re friends, aren’t we?
Friends friends friends.
‘Friendssssss,’ I find myself murmuring under my breath.
‘Huh?’ He looks confused, his big shaggy eyebrows furrowing. It makes me want to stroke his face.
‘Erm, I said, er, friends!’ I squeak as we head for the tills to pay for Alistair’s hideous new shirt. ‘I mean I’ve only got friends at the moment, no love life!’
He looks a bit befuddled. ‘Oh, right!’
My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s Louise calling me back at last.
‘Are you OK?’ Her breathless voice is in my ear. She sounds worried.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I reassure her. ‘I just missed you and wanted to hang out. Where have you been?’
‘Oh.’ She takes half a beat to answer. ‘Just… with Sven. What about you?’
‘I’m actually shopping on Oxford Street with Alistair.’ I laugh at the absurdity of it.
‘Wow!’ She sounds shocked. ‘Is Nick Wilde with you guys?’
‘What?’ Why on earth is she bringing him up? ‘Why would he be here, Lou? Him and Alistair aren’t even really friends these days.’
‘OK,’ she replies neutrally.
I watch Alistair a few feet away as he pays for thegod-awful shirt. He grins at the assistant who is telling him how brave his fashion choices are. I feel myself aching to take his hand in mine and squeeze it tight.
To stop myself going mad, I need to move on. I need Idris to reply, or I need to message Carl or Rich.
‘I better go,’ I tell Louise. ‘Will I see you at the flat later?’
‘Um, maybe!’ she replies enigmatically. ‘Love you, bye.’
Alistair joins me, waving his bag happily. There is something so energizing about being around him; he’s so full of positivity.
