CHAPTER NINETEEN
‘Can I use the loo, Sofia?’ I ask politely and she hands me a candle, wick flickering.
‘Go carefully,’ she warns. ‘There are many things in the way between here and my bathroom.’ I nod seriously and pick my way out of her front room in the pitch darkness.
We’re in the midst of a power cut. The whole bloody building is out – the whole row! It’s outrageous and we would definitely complain to someone if any of us in the flat knew who our supplier is. We had a massive argument in the dark about where the bills were kept before giving up and heading upstairs to Sofia’s flat. We knew she, at least, has candles. Because all grown-ups have candles and she is definitely a grown-up.
Plus, she’s probably been through a bunch of wars, right? So she’ll have all that wartime spirit and know-how. She’ll know how to rip up sheets to deliver a baby and how to cook food without a hob. I don’t exactly know which wars or when – I only did a term of history at uni – but there have been a whole bunch, right?
I have my wee in the dark and it’s as weird as you’d think. Afterwards I move the candle close to the loo seat to inspect for drips before flushing – delighting in the functioning facilities – and head back to the living room.
I stop in the hallway when I spot Louise.
She’s hunched over her phone, typing frantically. Her lovely face is lit up only by the screen and she’s wearing an expression I don’t recognize. There is something odd about her whole body language. Something secretive and guilty. Why would she be texting out here anyway? It’s not like we’d all demand to know what she was doing on her phone.
Maybe I should demand to know what she’s doing on her phone.
‘All right, Lou?’ I whisper into the dark and she jumps a clean five inches in the air.
‘God, Esther, you scared me!’ She shoves her phone into her pocket so fast her hands blur, even in the candlelight.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask, sounding innocent.
‘What do you mean?’ she replies, guilt pulsing in her voice.
‘Estherrrrrr!’ Sofia shouts from the living room. ‘Hurry up! I want to hear the latest with your mission!’ Louise grabs the opportunity to head back in without answering my question, and I follow, flopping back down on the sofa and wondering. Is something going on with her? She’d tell us, wouldn’t she? Maybe a family member is ill or something?
‘Come on!’ Sofia’s face is impatient in the flickering candlelight. ‘Tell me what’s happening with you stalking all these dreadful exes!’
‘I wouldn’t quite describe it like that—’ I protest but she continues, oblivious.
‘Tell me, how is it going? Have you found a great love yet? Have any more of them called the police on you?’
‘Nobody called the police on me,’ I correct impatiently. ‘And for your information, that actually worked out well in the end. I met up with Paul – the guy we were trying to find – and it was so lovely.’
‘So he is The One!’ Sofia cries happily.
‘Maybe,’ I beam confidently.
‘Maybe?’ She screws up her face. ‘How can hemaybebe The One?’
‘Well, this other guy, Alistair, might also be The One,’ Louise explains helpfully.
‘Or it might be Will, Idris, Carl or Rich,’ Bibi chips in with a snort from somewhere in the dark.
‘I mean, my trueOnein all this might end up being my renewed friendship with Alex,’ I add in my wisest voice.
‘What are you TALKING about?’ Sofia shrieks and we all jump. ‘You are all speaking nonsense!’
‘I know, sorry, Sofia,’ I agree humbly. ‘I’m a mess.’
‘Hey!’ Bibi’s tone is full of rebuke. ‘You’re not a mess. You’re being really brave with all this, confronting your past and who you were back then.’ She looks at me encouragingly and I smile back.
Bibi’s trying her best to be a bit warmer at the moment. Ever since a couple of weeks ago when I told her off in thebathroom. Ooh, maybe I should tell people off a bit more? I’m obviously great at it.
‘Genuinely, though,’ I begin. ‘If nothing else comes of this mission, I’m so happy I’ve been able to mend fences with Alex.’ I stop because I feel suddenly quite emotional. ‘She was a childhood friend, Sofia,’ I explain. ‘And I fucked everything up by sleeping with her for a while. But we talked it all through and it’s OK now, it’s really OK. Maybe better than ever.’
I can’t see her very well but I sense Sofia softening. ‘That is beautiful,’ she smiles.
