‘OK…’ Bibi is first to speak, her voice full of uncertainty. ‘OK, so. Um, he’s asking how your week was. That’s a… good sign?’
‘Yes, but it’s a bit nothingy, isn’t it?’ I am anxious. ‘Like, if there was more to it, he’d have more to say, wouldn’t he? Especially after the way we left things. And that fuckingpal,’ I seethe. ‘Someoneis being very careful to make sure I know where he stands.’
‘Maybe he’s just working out how you feel before launching into some big confession of love?’ Lou sounds hopeful. ‘Or maybe this is him nudging you to make a move? So then he can dump his girlfriend and you guys can run off into the sunset together?’
‘But shouldn’t I feel bad about that? Shouldn’t I be ignoring anything like this out of respect to her?’
‘Maybe,’ Louise nods half-heartedly, looking worried.
‘You had him first,’ Bibi says petulantly. ‘And maybe he’s not that serious about her. Did he say how long they’d been together?’
I shake my head. ‘He told me nothing about her, nothing at all.’ I re-read the message. ‘And obviously I didn’t ask.’ I throw my hands up. ‘Oh god, I don’t know. What about that exclamation mark? What does that mean?’
As we continue to dissect the spaces and the lack of an x, the phone – in Lou’s hands now – vibrates again. We look at it like it’s magic, and then at one another.
‘It’s him again,’ Lou says in a shaky voice. ‘He says, “Would you fancy a drink on Friday?”?’
‘Oh my god,’ Bibi replies quietly, like we are discussing nuclear codes. ‘Oh mygod.’
‘What does it mean?’ I wail, hands in the air. ‘What does it meeeeeeeean?’
‘I think it’s a date,’ Lou says, her voice quivering. ‘I think he’s asking you out on a date!’
‘Or it could be a friendly group thing,’ Bibi counters, looking concerned. ‘Do you think it’s a group thing?’
‘Brenda, you know what I know!’ I tell Bibi a little impatiently. ‘It’s vague! Vague I tell you! And he called mepalso pointedly in the previous message!’
‘Yes, he called youpal’ – Louise looks confident – ‘but he’s also inviting you out on a Friday. Everyone knows Fridays are inherently romantic. Fridays are sexy, everyone feels sexy on a Friday! It’s a date night!’
‘OK, well, you should say yes,’ Bibi continues smoothly. ‘And then ask casually if it’s a group thing or not? And I’m not called Brenda.’
I look at her aghast. ‘I can’t justaskthat! What are we,normal people? Of course I can’t justask, Bibi! If I question whether it’s a group thing, he might panic and invite a bunch of people. And if I ask whether it’s just us, he might laugh at me for thinking this could be a date. I can’task, Bibi. Jesus.’
She has the good grace to look ashamed.
Lou nods. ‘Esther’s right. OK, so you just say yes, and then be prepared for both eventualities.’
‘But I have an event I’m supposed to be working on Friday night,’ I tell her anxiously. ‘Katie and I have been planning it for weeks.’ They look at me helplessly and I groan. ‘Sod it, I’ll tell her she has to look after it on her own. She’ll be OK, I’m sure. Finding the father of my children is more important than a sanitary towel brand showing journalists their new period pant range, right?’
‘That sounds right,’ Louise says, looking unsure.
I nod. ‘So if I turn up and itisa group thing, you guys have to be ready to come join us. You can be stationed at a local bar or whatever, ready to come, yes?’ They nod in unison.
‘If itisa date,’ Lou begins carefully, ‘and you love each other again, will you continue with the Seven Exes Mission?’
I think about this. ‘Um, well,’ I reply slowly. ‘If he’s, like, fully dumped his girlfriend and confesses undying feelings, which I also feel in the moment, then I guess no, I’d sack it off. But if it’s all still up in the air, then I think I should probably keep going as long as I need to. I can’t quit, I’ve hardly started.’
‘Gotcha,’ Lou nods, looking surer now.
‘But, I mean…’ I pause, looking at Bibi so I don’t have to look at Louise. ‘I’ve been thinking about it and maybe I can just skip Alex anyway. It would be fucking awkward – probably more awkward than any of the others – and I don’t need to seeallmy exes, do I?’
There is a brief silence before Bibi nods.
‘I think that might be a good idea,’ she says and I smile at her gratefully.
Lou shakes her head. ‘Uh, I don’t really agree, sorry. I think seeing Alex is important. If you’re going to do this mission properly, you need to see it through. And if Rich the Bastard is on the list, surely Alex has to be, too.’
My chin comes down. ‘Hmm,’ I hedge. ‘Maybe. Let’s get this reply to Alistair written and my outfit ready – then I’ll figure out what I’m going to do next.’
